I see your point, never thought of it like that. Guess it was all about, me, me, me, LOL! It was regarding abuse towards my daughter. He lost his right to his home, his children and myself. Guess he figured it was best for everyone if he was not around. Guess he guessed wrong!
Thanks for the insight!
Lisa
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Poetry / When I Saw You Lying There...
When I saw you lying there so cold and alone, When I saw your mouth spewing
the white choking foam. A shower of terror rained over me, not knowing what to do or what was yet to be.
The call to 911 was frantic and fast, I did not know how long your shallow breaths would last.
I knew things were tough on you, they were tough on me too, yet I never expected that is what you would do.
I thought we were in this turmoil together, yet you chose to go it alone. I thought as a couple were were stronger, and now I just don't know.
All the years we spent together, all the years we laughed and cried, and now here I am again without you by my side.
I cannot talk to you, or see you, not even call to say hello. My mind is filled with doubt, as my heart beats a lonely show.
In just a few short days I had lost everything I knew, my children first and foremost, and then I lost you.
I lost my sense of direction, and it is slow in coming back, my soul went blank as it was under attack.
I cannot see into the future, I don't ever again want to see the past. I can only see today, a feeling I hope will last.
The children are home now, and I am thankful to no end, get the help you need my long lost friend.
Your words still echo in my ears, something you told me just days before so I am repeating them to you, hoping for you it will open a new door.
"THINK WITH YOUR HEAD AND NOT YOUR HEART". It's easier said than done, but essential in your new start.
Good Luck and Get Well Soon, and maybe someday you will find, that all your hopes and dreams are in both your heart and mind.
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SMRB reviewed Version 2 -
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This caught me off gaurd I must say. It took a couple of reads for me to get some understanding out of it. Is this about some one committing suicide ? The reference to losing the children and then being back home again could have used a bit more info, such as why and how they were gone and why and how they were back.
Keep writing.
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Lazirus reviewed Version 2 -
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This is a very moving poem, though it is peppered with “I” statements. In this poem, I would love to read more about what the circumstances were that led to this event and maybe get a little deeper into the good, the bad, the ugly of your relationship with him, and why he ended up thinking suicide may have been a good idea. Thank you!
jokaking reviewed Version 1 -
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powerful message you have here… I have a brother in the hospital and he suffered from a seizure and I can liken it to the beginning of your poem, but seeing the statement that it was a suicide attempt shows the difference between the two… well with that said your words show your current emotions extremely well and the part about losing your children and then losing him I’m hoping signifies just a custody thing and not death, and if it is the latter I’m very sorry for your loss, you have my condolences… you two have a history together and the strength of the relationship is portrayed when you wrote “I knew things were tough on you, they were tough on me too, yet I never expected that is what you would do.
I thought we were in this turmoil together, yet you chose to go it alone. I thought as a couple were were stronger, and now I just don’t know.”
right there to me shows that even though you had differences, you both were still trying to help each other get through the separation and even though you were separated you both still cared for each other deeply… and I see you want it to be seen by publishers so I’ll just point out a few errors…
“yet you chose to go it alone” should say – yet you chose to go against it alone or at it or something similar, whatever you see fit… and “I thought as a couple were were stronger” the first were should be we, it most likely was just an overlook on your behalf but we all make mistakes so it’s okay :o)... Well with all said stay positive and just take life one day at a time… take care…
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