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Novel Treatments / F@#%ed Up Fairytale Chapter 2
“Asia...” I tapped my finger to my chin, the vaguest of memories flickering at the edge of my conscious mind. “Your name’s familiar somehow. Have we met before?” I doubted it. She wasn’t a Villain Vamp, as we called the girls who lowered their standards enough to date our kind. So where did I know her from?
She blew out a long, drawn out sigh. “My full name is Anastasia Bella Tremaine.” At my blank look, she added, “My step-dad’s King Tremaine.” She paused long enough to roll her eyes at my stupidity. “King of the land of Termaine. You know, the kingdom that borders the most northeastern part of our land?”
“Doesn’t ring a bell.” I shrugged. What the fuck was with the geography lesson? If I wanted to learn, I would’ve stayed in Charming school.
“Fine.” Her hands lifted to her full, round hips, and she glared at me. “My step-sister’s Cinderella. Ring any clocks striking midnight now?”
Holy crap. I leapt from my seat on the table, and paced around the room. “You’re the ugly step-sister!”
“One of them.” She shrugged as if the nickname didn’t bother her, but the look of hurt in her eyes spoke more than words ever could. The villainous, still hungry part of me took satisfaction in her pain. It served her and her princess stuck in a tower kind right.
“I’m sorry about...” I paused. “Your sister’s accident.” Smashed under a bus was a bad way to go. I should know, I’d run over quite a few Jesters and even a prince or two in my time.
“Thanks,” she said. “But it wasn’t an accident.”
I scratched my chin, not likely where this was going. “I have an alibi. I was at my mother’s in Queens of Hearts.”
Asia arched a flame colored eyebrow. “Why would you need an alibi?”
“No reason.” I tried to smile, but it came off more like a grimace. “So you were saying?”
“My sister’s death wasn’t an accident.” Her eyes met mine. “She was murdered. And I need your help to prove it.”
Fuck. There was that word again. I started to say fuck no, but instead, the following string of words flew from my stupid lips, “Of course. Whatever you need.” God, I hated myself. In a act of revenge, I chomped down on my treacherous tongue until it bleed. Served it right.
“Are you eating your tongue?” For a brief second, Asia appeared terrified at the prospect. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you were that hungry.” She shoved her hand into the pocket of her leather pants, and removed a lint covered breath mint. “Here. Take this.”
Before I could stop her, she shoved the mint into my mouth. I wanted to yell: Are you fucking nuts, but it came out more like, “Thanks.”
Damn it.
She smiled. “So you’ll help me track down her killer?”
“Why the fuck not?” I stared into her green eyes, losing myself in their beauty. If a woman’s eyes were a window to her soul, I was in big trouble. Because the only image inside Anastasia Bella Tremaine’s eyes was my own evil reflection.
******
“Then, I’ll come back in the morning, and we can begin our investigation,” Asia said. I nodded, and watched her heart shaped butt as it disappeared down my hallway. Ugly step-sister, my ass. Hell, even the gayest of the rats had watched her strut down the corridor.
“I’d do her,” Tate, a rat wearing a pink felt hat, lisped. The other, straighter rats, rolled their beady eyes. To which, Tate replied: “What?”
I closed the door before things turned ugly, and dropped into my favorite, now empty chair. I picked up the remnants of my dinner, surprised to see Asia had left a fortune cookie. Peeling the cookie open, I licked my lips in anticipation of its sugary goodness, and informative, if not, summation of my future in bed.
The cookie read:
The delivery kid licked your egg roll.
Have a nice day!
I added the ‘in bed’ tag, but still my fortune read no better. Damn Villainous Van! Foiled again by a teen with more metal in his head than Snow White had sugar-midgets.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho...
Off to scrub delivery kid spit out of my mouth, I go.
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Both characters have shown more characteristics. Asia is like a martyr at this point. The main character is quite gullible, and I like how he is not nearly as villainous as he portends himself to be, always following “sincere jestures from anyone.”
I love the line about “charming school” – humorous and makes me even question myself.
“My step-sister’s Cinderella” – good originality, and full of potential. It lures me in further.
typo – “in a(n) act of revenge” since a is before a vowel.
“lint covered breath mint” – disgusting, yet affectionate. Could have slapped it down and said get out of here, I am not helping you. Was there an attraction as we see later?
“my own evil reflection” – love that.
Obviously the main character will meet the delivery boy again, for a spotlight in the happy ending?
This second chapter was well focused, and I feel like I know both characters really well. Would I have known Asia less had she not been Cinderella’s sister? Not by much.
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You’ve created a surreal atmosphere which is wonderful but there are a few things which aren’t very clear.
the ‘in bed’ tag on page 3 took me a while to understand. This was a problem because the general paciness of the writing is very good and it detracts from that to have something unclear like this because it slows up the read.
The heart-shaped butt? I can’t imagine this very well. It puzzled me the last time. Which bit of a bum is heart shaped?
I don’t mind the occasional expletive because it adds to the realism but I think that you may have gone a bit over the top with the one 4 letter word. How about a few damns and blasphemies instead to add variety?Nice read though. Well done
I loved it! I got a little laugh when I read the enclosed fortune of the cookie. I think you did a great job and can’t wait to hear more from you.
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