Poetry / Take Away My Breath

OMG- I reviewed your entire last piece unknowing of your age. Needless to say, you have the ability to speak in different voices. Using voice, point-of-view, and perspective is crucial in creative writing. Great job, I am impressed. Your poem is good with nice rhythm and use of rhyme. Inverted order of sentences and precise placement of words helps to control the natural tendency for rhyming poetry to sound “sing-song” when reading. You have a great feel for sound and sensory words. I would omit the use of “seem” in lines 6 & 11. The speaker is too confident and articulate to be unsure. Using slant rhyme and slight rhyme, as you did in the last stanza, shows a great understanding and command of the language.