Thanx gator, The last two lines should be just one. I’ll go through and change it (one of these days) but all it’s really asking the reader is “do we want to live forever, to be immortal, because we love life and never want it to end. Or is it because we fear death because their is no consciousness/life after death?”
Poetry / Immortal
Immortalilty – Who would want to be
This creature
Living an existence waiting for
An impossible end
Knowing that all which has passed
Will be seen again.
Will you open your mouth
To spare the pain?
Will you open your heart
Again and again?
You won’t bother
To turn on the light
Living in darkness, brooding about
Boredom and loss.
You will question the notion
Of excitement.
In your search, elusiveness
Will prevail
But this will not prevent
Your vain task
Of trying to make life
Out of hollow acts.
This is to say nothing of what others
Make of you.
Are you a monster who made a deal
With the devil?
Or is that you in disguise
Oh, Prince of Lies?
No matter your disposition, all will see you
Through eyes of suspicion.
Even those who worship you will hope
Your existence dies
In the dead of thought and silence
You may realize
That laws of Man need
No longer apply.
With boredom and the thought of others
At your heels
What deeds will you commit
To still feel?
Will you perpatrate strife without
Fear for yourself?
Will you contemplate benevolence,
Fostering happiness in others?
Becoming one with nature and the elements
As time passes?
Will you become arrogant
Of your environment?
Or over-protective of your
Life-long friend?
Now comes the most important question
To any immortal
This is the question of vanity
For it beggars the question
Of physical age and health
Not to mention appearance.
Ask yourself what age will you be
For all eternity.
Is it as a child of perpetual youth
Tasting the world with a sweet tooth
For is it not from the mouth babes
From which true wisdom is spoken
Or maybe as an adolescent approaching
Puberty
Inside the constant pain of change
Will you be
Maybe as a young adult past confusion
With eternal optimism in mind
With goals ahead and
Mountains to climb.
Or wear the face of full maturity
Stony expression set to rule
All men will listen to you
If not playing the fool.
Of course there is that last aspect
The ancient of age
That all men respect
Others will seek your wisdom
As in meditation you remain
Introspect.
Perhaps at one time
And another
All of these aspects
Will appear.
Is it really life you hold dear?
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September 23, 2006
Deleted User
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Hello,
After the second read I really began to like this piece. But it did need that second read. It’s an interesting concept. If I understand it correctly, it begs the question of someone who is immortal…what will you do for excitment once you’ve seen and done everything? Also will you age or stay the same? Hopefully that is the meaning you intended. Well done I think although it is very long and if not completely tight will confuse some.
~D. Marlar
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sakara_666 reviewed Version 1 -
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really good your poem really hit home with me i love it keep on writing ur talented… good luck with you rwriting
gator326 reviewed Version 1 -
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I enjoyed reading this poem and stayed interested throughout. I find the approach creative and fresh.
I like the way you question the value/intentions of Immortality, something often prized/sought.
“But this will not prevent
Your vain task
Of trying to make life
Out of hollow acts.” Wow! Nicely put.
The last section, where you ask what age Immortality will remain, was especially insightful.
I must admit I was a bit puzzled by the last two lines. First, I’m not sure I understood what you were getting at. Second, I felt the poem deserved a stronger ending.
Overall….Great job!
SultryPoet reviewed Version 1 -
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Oh my God, love, you captured this so well. You are a writer that inspires, because your words have inspired me to write other poems. For am I also crazy for crying at the very end of the poem? That very last line did me in. You are such a pleasure. You really are. Did you ever see Interview with a vampire. Fits so very well.
Sammie
Nonconformity reviewed Version 1 -
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this poem really makes you wouunder exactly what you would do woth all that time. I’d never thought about Immortality like that before. It really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Your wording for this was very smooth and it flowed well. it was easy to read and got your point across eccelently.
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