Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate the time you took to read and review this piece. I am so glad you liked it. I have to finish it, and will do so soon, hopefully.
I have to tell you, I haven’t had so much fun reading a review until I read yours. I couldn’t stop smiling.
I will keep all of your great suggestions in mind.
Thanx again.
Take care and God bless,
Sandra (Alma Libre)
Children's / Dr. Willa Camilla Nilla ( Healer of all creatures great, small and invisible).
As a little girl Willa loved staying at her grandma's farm every summer. She loved tending to the horses; feeding them, brushing them but most of all riding them. She also loved how sweet the air always smelled, like honeysuckles everywhere. Life was different in Harmony Hills, straight out of a story book. Everyone knew everyone by name. Willa loved going into town with her grandma Tessa Odessa Bessa because of this very reason. She felt like she was always around family. She remembers going to the different stores to purchase various things and always being greeted with big smiles and hugs.
There was however one place Grandma Tessa forbade Willa to go. It was a small black house, the size of a toolshed, with only three windows, the curtains always drawn and the door closed. Whenever her grandma went in there she would come out with a large knapsack full of stuff. Her grandma was very strong and very stubborn, never giving Willa any answers to her endless questions about that very odd little house. Willa wasn't even able to peek in the knapsack because her grandma always had a padlock on it keeping whatever was in it a secret. She remembers her many conversations she had with her grandma on the two hour drive back to the farm.
"Please, please tell me what's in the bag Grandma," Willa would plead.
"Sure, let's see, there's new sheets for your bed since the ones you have now are too old and worn, new towels for your bathroom since you have decided to go purple instead of pink this year..."
"No Grandma, not our shopping bags. I'm talking about your knapsack with the lock. And what's inside that little house you go to, how come I'm not allowed to go in there?"
"Oh Willa my dear, you are the most curious creature I have ever known."
"Why won't you tell me Grandma? I won't tell anyone I promise. It can be our little secret."
"You know I do not like secrets. Besides, you are making a great big old mountain out of a tiny little mole hill. Believe me there are a lot of other things you should be interested in, such as that room of yours. If you do not clean up that mess in there soon it is just going to get bigger and bigger until one day you are going to get lost in it. Then what am I supposed to tell your parents, 'Willa is lost somewhere up in that messy room of hers'?"
"Very funny Grandma, now you're just being silly."
But every time they returned from in town, depending on what time it was, Grandma would go into the forest after giving Willa a chore to do to make sure she would not follow. If it was too late and already dark out, Grandma would wait until early the next morning.
One summer stands out in Willa's mind. The summer she was 11 years old. As was customary after their in town visit, upon returning to the farm, Grandma Tessa disappeared into the forest after instructing Willa to clean out the horse stalls and sweep the outside of them as well. Willa, never one to disobey, could not bare to be left behind this time. So instead of getting to work on her chores, she mounted her favorite horse, Clarabelle.
She had only been in the forest a few minutes when she spotted Grandma Tessa on her horse, Buckingham. Willa cautiously and quietly followed and stayed close but made sure not too close.
After what felt like an eternity, Buckingham was brought to a hault and Grandma Tessa dismounted. Tying her horse to a tree nearby, she grabbed the suspicious knapsack which was tied to the saddle, and walked over to a huge oak tree, which looked to be hollowed out. Atleast from where Willa was, it looked like a doorway. She watched wide-eyed as her grandma entered the big tree and seemed to disappear.
"That's impossible", Willa said softly to herself. After waiting for a few minutes, Willa decided to get a closer look. Dismounting Clarabelle and tying her securely to a thick branch, she inched her way closer and closer to the enormous tree she had seen her grandma vanish into. Finally, reaching Buckingham and petting him for a second, she walked over to the mysterious looking tree. There was no sign of Grandma Tessa anywhere. Not even any kind of noise indicating that she was nearby. Surpassing her fear, Willa forced herself to walk through what looked like a doorway leading to the inside of the tree. But there was nothing besides what you would expect the inside of a tree to look like; moss, bark, sap, ants and no Grandma.
Suddenly realizing that Grandma Tessa could be in danger and thinking maybe her eyes had been playing tricks on her, Willa ran out from inside the massive oak tree and started calling out for her grandma. When she didn't receive a response she called out even louder and started circling the tree and looking in all different directions. Bursting into tears and still calling out to her grandma, Willa was almost hysterical when all of a sudden she heard the soft, familiar voice she had been so desperately seeking. It seemed as though Grandma Tessa appeared out of nowhere. But Willa was so relieved to see her that she didn't even bother to question where she had come from. She just jumped up and wrapped her arms around her.
"Willa dear what are you doing? Why are you not back at the farm doing your chores?" Grandma Tessa asked softly, wiping away Willa's tears.
Willa thought for sure her grandma would be furious, but there wasn't an ounce of anger, not in her voice nor in her eyes nor in her actions. This relieved Willa to the point where she was able to speak without sobbing.
"I'm sorry Grandma. I just needed to know", was all she could think of to say. After all it was the truth.
"As you can see everything is alright. I am fine. Now go on back and I will be right there, no more than a few minutes behind you. Let me finish up here first. I'll make us some hot cocoa, how does that sound?"
"It sounds good, but what do you mean finish up here? Finish what exactly?"
"I will answer all of your questions once I get back to the farm. I guess it is time for you to know. After all, I was close to your age when I found out."
Finding it almost impossible to stay calm, Willa untied Clarabelle and mounted her. And even though she had a million and one questions she wanted answered, she knew her grandma wouldn't answer anything else right at that moment. So Willa did the only thing she knew that would get those questions answered and rushed back to the farm to await her grandma's return.
Willa had been sitting on the front porch swing when Grandma Tessa returned. True to her word, she was only a few minutes behind her. Riding Buckingham straight to his stall, Grandma Tessa gave Willa a wink as she passed her by. Willa all of a sudden noticed how beautiful her grandma was and couldn't believe she had not truly noticed it before. Looking at her right at that moment she was just struck by her beauty. Riding tall on Buckingham a gorgeous statuesque and proud black stallion. Grandma Tessa, always graceful in everything she did, looked as if she had been painted on a canvas by a masterful artist and then brought to life, with her sparkling eyes, the color of the sky above and hair as white and billowy as the clouds floating in it. And even though Grandma Tessa was well in her sixties, she didn't look it one bit. With no wrinkles on her face, her skin looked as smooth as silk. But what Willa loved the most was her big smile. No matter what was going on, whether Willa was sad or not feeling well, she knew she only needed to see that great Grandma Tessa smile to feel all better.
"So how about that hot cocoa, sweetheart?"
Willa was so deep in thought that Grandma Tessa's voice startled her.
"Sure. But can we talk and drink it at the same time? Because I have so many questions for you".
Grandma Tessa couldn't help but to laugh. After all Willa was just like her especially at that age, very bright and inquisitive. Everything around her being a puzzle she needed to solve. And as she gets older and her world becomes bigger, that puzzle will only get bigger as well and much more trickier to solve. Grandma Tessa knew this from experience.
As Willa sat at the little breakfast nook and watched her grandma make the hot cocoa, she was organizing her thoughts in her mind and getting all of her questions ready. She had waited a very long time for this opportunity to arrive.
"Did you wash up?"
"Yes ma'am, I washed my face and my hands."
"Well I am quite impressed. And I must say I am also surprised, I thought for sure you would be firing questions at me left and right by now." Grandma Tessa said as she placed a mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows and whipped cream in front of Willa and then sat down with her own mug in front of her. As she sat across from Willa waiting patiently for her to begin she noticed how grown up she seemed to her. She realized Willa was no longer a carefree little girl, she was now a young lady. A beautiful, composed, proper, young lady.
"Grandma, about what happened in the forest today, I want to apologize first for not obeying you and doing my chores like you had asked me to. I am really sorry about that."
"And I accept your apology dear." Grandma Tessa said with a warm smile.
"Why do you always go into the forest after we come back from shopping in town? Where exactly do you go?"
"Well in order to answer your question, I must first tell you what I am. See dear I am a healer, a doctor, to all creatures invisible to humans."
"Invisible? Then how can you see them?"
"They are invisible because no one knows they exist. And they are very good at hiding."
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JaneLloyd reviewed Version 1 -
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Tessa Odessa Bessa
That name is just genius, I love it.
Padlock on a knapsack? I think you want something other than padlock because all I can see is a padlock on a door, not on a bag.
This reminds me a little of a movie I saw on ABC Family once (yes, I am that much of a dork).
I think this works very well being geared to children. The grandmother is an endearing character and Willa will be relatable to children. Also the story runs smoothly and without going over the heads of a younger readership. I wonder where this is going! I did enjoy it and I know that children will enjoy it as well.
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Marvin reviewed Version 1 -
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J?
Fantastic title and opening. This story already feels like a giant trampoline covered in balloons.
“As a little girl Willa loved”—girl, Willa
“Whenever her grandma went in there”—hmmm..kill “there?” add “into the house?” fine, but landed a bit sideways in my Dumbo ear.
quick mystery w/ house and knapsack. eggs-cellent.
excellent, funny, oddly realistically surreal dialogue.
“As was customary after their in town”—in-town
“stayed close but made sure not too close.”—followed at a safe distance?
“Atleast from where Willa was, it looked like a doorway”—Where Willa stood, it looked…?
“tree she had seen her grandma vanish into.”—into which she’d seen her grandma vanish? or not. my eyes wanted to read it like that. thought it matched the style of the piece.
“all different directions.”—kill “different.” it’s super but it’s also fluous.
excellent suspense. playful, like being hit in the head with a nerf ball. children will enjoy this.
“Finding it almost impossible”--almost impossible, almost hysterical- close enough to notice. consider mixing it up with “near impossible?”
grrrr! good close but abrupt. left me wondering.
overall-
excellent level of writing, even, comfortable pace, felt like i was clopping along with a fine horse.
criticisms?
i want an end.
cyndiratz reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like this story. I think that it would appeal to youth in their pre-teens. It is both real and mystical and that is a good combination to have when luring this type of reader. I would only suggest to go back over it and make sure that it flows well. Overall it is a super story and I anticipate reading it through.
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