Thanks for the review. The back breaking lines deal with the constant struggle that everyday work did to me. Hard work and no reward is something that really sucks. Additionally, the Id part of the song is referring to Sigmund Freud’s analysis of the id. You should definitely check it out!
Lyrics / Shudder
Dusk it begins
The sound rushes in
It drowns out everything
It’s been a long day
and I cannot stay
Cause I’ve seen everything
Now that I’m in
my mind’s crashing in
I can’t see anything
No food or drink
just time to think
Can’t dwell on anything
The pieces are set
So place your last bets
My Id has forfeited
But I’ve no moves left
I don’t watch my back
My spine has just cracked
Now I’m scared of everything
Can this be the end?
No message to send
But when there’s nothingness
New realities to rend
New feelings abreast
Fill up this chest
I’m not afraid of anything
My heart will not close
From the path that I chose
I will take everything
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ConfusedSongwriter reviewed Version 2 -
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cooljim102055 reviewed Version 2 -
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hi there,
well written..i like the song format and the placement of the title, where alot of people on the site don’t even use…i also like the length where most wouldn’t because it’s a 3-4 mintue song, which is radio friendly which is good,,in general, nice job,,jim
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CynicGod reviewed Version 2 -
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I love this song =) Had a very… ‘Early simple plan’ sound… in my head… =D
Although the rhyming of ‘in’ with ‘in’ in the third verse kinda kills that bit.
I don’t like the ‘my spine just cracked’ line. I dunno why, but it sorta seems like the kind of line that should be that the peak of the song, not the build-up.
‘ID has forfeited’? Unclear.
Ducttapekid15 reviewed Version 2 -
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What sound are you talking about that rushes in? Be more specific; dusk doesn’t have a sound, just an image. “But I’ve no moves left” use I have. What pieces are set? You don’t really define what you’re saying in some stanzas. What new feelings? I’d work with this one a little.
the_on_switch reviewed Version 2 -
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Good lyrics— especially for being hung over in mexico : )
But you used the word “everything” (and “anything”) an awful lot.
Slant rhyme never bothers me too much— and it adds some variety to the choice of words. My only suggestion would be less use of the word “everything”.
Everything else, I liked. Even the “anything” usage was pretty okay.
: )
MrJawbreakingEquilibrium reviewed Version 2 -
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I like it. I can picture Elliot Smith singing it. Not that I’m saying that it’s up to his calibre, which is not a knock on you. I mean Elliot Smith is a genius.
The first few lines are great and they make me think of being somewhere that’s so fun and exhilarating, while being intoxicated that after awhile you just want to go home because you’ve worn yourself out and have sensory overload.
I don’t get this line- My Id has forfeited-because it can either be I.D. or id; and both of them kind of make sense but they change the meaning of the stanza(?).
THe part about cracking your back and shuddering…if that means what I think it means, props to you, because I know what that’s all about and fits in with how the first part of the song about things I can relate to.
I like it. The song is very visual. Good job.
angelauddie2107 reviewed Version 2 -
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this is a awesome peice of work, i really wish i could hear it with the music in the background, in my mind i can try but nothing would be the same till, it is published and sung on the radio. I really like the sound of the flow as well.
cooljim102055 reviewed Version 1 -
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hi there,
well i see how this maybe a good song, but i think the title should be mentioned throughout the song so people will know the name of it.i also see how you wrote this hung over in mexico!!!!....:)..hope you had a good time,jim
myownlilworld99 reviewed Version 1 -
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Congratulations, a good song. I really enjoyed how well the words flowed, and it that you didn’t try to tell a story, you just let your feelings out.
Great Job.
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