Poetry / Death Is My Room Mate As Of Late
You weasel your way in,
every time I turn around.
You can’t let me recover,
when another one is down.
Two years now, you’ve lived with me,
everyone of them now gone…
Did I offer you my living room,
or invite you to my home?
You’ve become so blatant,
you don’t knock anymore…
you just come on over
and breeze casually through my door.
Did I leave the light on?
Did I greet death welcomingly?
When death takes a holiday,
it comes visiting me.
Why don’t you set up house here?
I can charge you room and board.
Then you can see your damage
as at night, I walk the floors.
Again, I damn you, reaper, cruel,
again, I damn your hide!
You take the ones who are so dear,
and watch me wither inside.
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I like stanzas 3 and 4 the best. I also like stanza 5, but why the “Again”? It breaks the rhyme and isn’t necessary.
I didn’t understand line 4 in the first stanza.
In stanza 2, is it the years that are gone? If so, “every one of them” doesn’t sound quite right since you’ve only mentioned two years.
I didn’t really like the last stanza. “die inside” is kind of a catchphrase. Also, since the Reaper is usually pictured wearing a long robe, his “hide” doesn’t seem like the right word. Maybe rewrite those two lines.
This is a clever poem. I would like to see it again with some minor revisions.
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I don’t like the fact that you say the word “death” in your 4th stanza at all, even less that you use it twice.
I would prefer if the title was just “My Room Mate As Of Late”, this way you don’t reveal it all at once,
you set a mood for mistery and surprise.
I like the way you converse with death with aggrevation and irony, but I wonder why you change that direction ONLY in the 4th stanza?
Maybe for emphasis?
Excellent idea, but should be worked on some more to express the helplessness even stronger.
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