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Poetry / Unanimous Magnanimous
Switch my writing from left to right
and to the beat of a different drum.
My eyes are now wide open,
I see, for once, what dreams may come.
Through the music of Angels
releasing a flurry of lost memories.
Each lined up one after another
like a row of hardened sentrys,
As just hearts beat faster and harder
I will not be disappointed
Souls of those waiting for more
will share lives with the annointed
King and Queens will fill the streets
where no man in front of the other
All marching forth to solemn praise
each hand in hand, like brothers
To the sounds of trumpets and loud voices
I am free at last
Shedding tears and trepidations
revisiting the past.
With new found fervor and excitement
I will run and scatter
Reaching those I’d once forgotten
the ones lost in endless chatter
Revisiting happiness and pain
and all of it’s infinite glory
From thoughts and memories we share
there lies an eternal story
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the_on_switch reviewed Version 4 -
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My favorite part was
“Reaching those I’d once forgotten
the ones lost in endless chatter”
The rhyme scheme was reminiscent of lyrics for a song,
A few of the stanzas could have been swapped beginning-to-end, and I would personally play with the idea if it were my own writing. Just an idea, may be an old idea, who knows.
What are the Kings and Queens of? Countries, ideas, playing cards, imaginary kingdoms?
When you run and scatter,
Are you scattering from something unknown? Are you physically scattering? Your molecules? Mentally?
My over all thought is that you could have been writing about a parade of freedom. I think that’s a good thing, but I could be wrong (since you were writing it at work :P)
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October_Rain reviewed Version 3 -
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I really don’t know how to review this. I love it. A great work of poetry. Keep up the good work.
JaneLloyd reviewed Version 3 -
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This poem reminded me of the feeling of writing a new story. It at the same time (further down) reminded me of rediscovering a book that I had read once before but mostly forgotten. The only line that was a little sticky to me was
As just hearts beat faster and harder
I figured you meant just as in righteous but if you didn’t then it leads to a little bit of confusion. Other than that, you did a good job and I enjoyed this poem.
My7Sunday reviewed Version 1 -
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Okay, the first stanza of the poem is still my favorite, even on second read. I think that’s because it is the most concrete. Is the rest of the poem meant to be a vision of crossing over or of something more like Armageddon? For either of those ideas, I would use heavier language to reflect the heavy ideas. This piece aches for more. I like the visuals you touch on, but I want more details. The flow works with the simplistic structure you have here, but again, I would love to see this one made beautifully complex.
On another note, your use of words like “they” and “them” and other obscuring pronouns take from both the level of details here as well as jarring the flow because the reader has to skip back to realign with what “they” are. Maybe it’s just me, but pronouns in poetry only seem to work when there is only one or two subjects. Example of this is in the third line of the second stanza, the word “each” Is each the angels or the memories. With poetry, my mind follows many different paths. Perhaps it’s both? Hence the confusion pronouns offer in poetry for me.
I like the vision you have here. I also like the places (most of) your word choices take me. I would so embellish this piece. It sounds like you got quite a picture from what ever song inspired you. For that, the piece is a commandment to music. Kudos.
lmjean3 reviewed Version 1 -
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Nice poem, the last line; there lies and eternal story
did you mean there lies an eternal story? For the way it is doesn’t sound right?
Glad I’m not your employer. LOL. Good Job, liked it.
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