Poetry / ....part1...&...part2...

thanx for the critique.
after I typed the poem out I to noticed that the light missed tee, but I just decided it was a Muse ing…

protons face is a statement of the unobserved universes, I explain this in another comment, but to go further I will say two more things on this.  The plurality of protons is intentional since according to accepted science every proton is exactly the same, saying ’+’ is the face of all protons.  Some scientist go as far as to say that even after a collision there aren’t even scratches on a proton.

the collective mind of the Animalia, Chordata, Mammalia, Primates, Hominidae, Homo, H. sapiens.  So yes it should not be men’s mind(sexist that would be, hmm).

The term postulate indicates a starting assumption.  used without a qualifier could mean The first assumption, or conception.

& if the poem made absolutely no sense, then you just created a sensical strand of nearly fifty words, from nonsense, a sign of craziness.  That’s ok though since everyone is crazy :)

scars teach lessons far after a collision is made, ask any warrior what his/her scars taught them, the ones who have seen more conflict then logically possible and are still alive I am sure have a lesson or two from each one

but above you say that even after a collision scientists say there is not a scratch on a proton…hmm. Though I do agree that scars do remind us of lessons learned from the battles we were in, I have many myself, more than most…

Thank you for you very kind words,
  that line has a few different intents, but in the linear poem it is a beseeching of any possible hands in larger scenes for clarification & a wake up call for both weary & slumbering

read the second version, maybe it will be clearer

Thank you for the review,
I do not wish to sound discordant, but what if there is no distinction between format & subject matter?  I can explain this if you wish…

OK – Please do – I have a physics background – high school teacher – and researched proton scarring after reading, but . . . still a little confused. I would love to know more about your idea here.

there are scars on the protons face … a statement of the unobserved universes.  This poem is a few different poems, one of which is unpronounceable and ironically the clearest.  When reading each parallel sentence, or question, from part one and part two at the same time you have this poem.
  ’there are scars upon the protons face’ is balanced with ‘the worlds heal just as gold’.  Just as the question is answered, but is also a response to the statement ‘though the hand may be unseen, it still reaches out to preen, the smaller scene and wait for more’ & ‘when will we find the postulated, just as it was created, in a universe debated to its core?’
even the commas are meant to accent this entangling of two parts,

but I feel that the one I wrote is the easiest to read & more poetic.

P.S. healing is only possible when there  is some force observing what would be healed, with out observation there is no sense of damage or injury, let alone the ability to undo said damage or injury.

Thank you – I understood that integral meaning. I was trying to attach a real quantum theory explanation to the metaphorical idea as well. :)  So, when I read the poem, I was searching for the actual explanation of proton scarring. LOL

Hmm. .. kind of like “if a tree falls and no one hears it”?  I think that the damage or injury occurs, and if the object is capable of feeling, then it may be noted, but not evaluated as to the extent. Like a man cutting of his hand, but can’t feel it because the nerves are severed, and so only realizes the extent when someone else screams.

I see how you feel the structure mimics the central ideas that you are expressing. Have you thought of overlapping stanzas – kind of like you just did with me in your comments?  
There are scars upon the proton’s face
             The worlds heal just as gold

That way the actual connection would be there – as well as the individual stanzas. Once you explain, it is much clearer, but, how many people ask and WANT the explanation instead of just brushing by the ideas.

Don’t take me wrong – I like the piece. I just feel that this can’t just be a mutual admiration society and always try to find something to make you think about your own work from a slightly different perspective.