Good catch on the Woody Guthrie influence. My two greatest influences are folk music and classical poetry (ecspecially Alfred, Lord Tennyson).
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Poetry / Ode To Muhammad Yunus
Muhammad Yunus, micro financier
And founder of the growing Grameen Bank, I cheer
The evolutionary strides you’ve made
In bringing the poor some needed banking aid.
With just a twenty-seven dollar start,
In Nineteen-Seventy-Six, you put your heart
To work in Bangladesh to find a way
A simple bank could poverty allay.
You loaned to those who had the greatest need
And guided them until they did succeed.
And when they paid you back, you loaned again
Until your bank became a great campaign.
You’ve shown the world that even the poorest of the poor
Can raise themselves, and if empowered cure
Themselves of poverty in body, mind
And soul. You have enlightened all mankind.
For this, Muhammad Yunus, I sing high praise
To you and all who’ve set this light ablaze.
This noble cause to end all poverty
Will give the world both peace and liberty.
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Beer_and_Poetry reviewed Version 2 -
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ok….so I like it. As a tribute it works well…I knew nothing about the subject matter and in less then 5 minutes I have gained knowledge of an admirable man. In that manner I think you accomplished what you set out to do. Honor.
As far as the poem goes….I think there are a few cracks in you work. Places I noticed myself stumbling. stanza 2 line 4…allay is the act of relieving….you are trying to express that the bank is relieving poverty not that poverty is relieving anything. I feel it should read a (simple bank could allay poverty.)I understand it would mess with you rhyme scheme but honestly it makes no sense the way it is now. Just as a gesture of of help….you could replace way with policy to keep with the rhyme.
Stanza 3 last words of lines 3 and 4…they move away from you rhyme scheme.
Stanza 4 line 2….I think cure should be the first word in line three. One it doesn’t follow the rhyme scheme (poor,cure….) second it sounds like you are saying if the cure is empowered. I think you are trying to convey that if the poorest are empowered.
Alright I gave you a ten on improving writing skills….Personally I think you should not add this as a ranking criterion anymore. There is room for EVERYONE to improve their writing skills….so please don’t take it personally.
Like I said this poem does do it’s job of informing the reader about the importance Muhammad Yunus has played in the world. It could read better though. PM me if you have any questions or if you just want to tell me how bad I am at reviewing :)
Can’t wait to see who you write about next.
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ElizaBell reviewed Version 1 -
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Well done! The story of Muhammad Yunus is definitely a fitting choice for your Great Souls series.
Your word choice and rhyming lines are interesting and avoid cliche. I like the rhythm of your work.
Keep writing!
Doctor_Rat reviewed Version 1 -
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I heartily agree with the sentiments in your poem. As for the form, I found myself challenged by it: unsure, and then finding it refreshing. Something of the spirit of Brecht in there [without the cynicism, perhaps] but also – more to the point – Woody Guthrie. It probably does need sharpening up in all sorts of technical ways, but my principal feeling is that, more than that, it wants setting to music. I applaud your bravery for such an atypically non-ironic and non-narcissistic contemporary poem!
kjoey35 reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like what you’re trying to do here, and you’ve definitely made a lot of headway into creating a wonderful poem to honor someone very deserving. I was irritated in a few specific places; namely due to either trying to rhyme words that didn’t mingle well or a not keeping a complete thought on each line.
Examples are: (campaign, again) and (poor, cure)
The second issue is most prevelant in the last three lines of your fourth stanza.
Just my personal qualms, things I would fix if the poem were my own. I admire your cause and wish you success with your collection.
Zanladar reviewed Version 1 -
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WHile I do not know who this person is – and please pardon my ignorance if I should know this man – I do know that while praise is a great sign of appreciation, praise (in poetry fashion) should have a flow and style. The way it flows is frustrating to read. Thoughts end all over the lines and there is no rhyme nor reason to it.
Adjust that and it’d be better in my opinion. At the moment it’s the equivilant of a retard saying “you’re smart” to bill gates.
too harsh? :)
EmmaT reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a nice idea and I really do think you could go somewhere with it, but right now it sounds a little forced to me.. Also, I think that you could definitely improve the flow..
Kadence reviewed Version 1 -
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I rather enjoyed this poem. The symbolism that I saw was intricate and well done, in my own opinion. The meaning was also neat and interesting.
I also like the name Muhammad.
RoadHousePress reviewed Version 1 -
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needed banking aid … this I would work on because its too close to Grameen Bank and I also wonder if “growing” needs to be in that line? or poorest (of the poor)—another way to say poor perhaps?
Otherwise I think you have done a great job with this.
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