Flash Fiction / 1100011

Very short so much so that a reader not in the know of tech-talk might not get it. Otherwise good show.

Brutal,destructive containment of the (English) language.Removal of sensory perception.The only truth : a 1 or a 0.Nothing inbetween.Nothing else needed.Designed flexibility through an inflexible truth.

“I hear no more” is a good little phrase..constant noise but no sound;no natural diversification to spark interest.A type of ‘put out the light’for the ears.

Interesting background noise of death to the creator by the created and not so much a cycle of life but one of death.Possibly inevitable.

It’s good.I like it.Terminal language play at the end.No chaos.A designed and structured death.

Well written then!If a little frightening.

“changed within the seasons”- not sure what this means.

“nanoseconds, a critical”- run-on.

So Al and LPU are the two ‘characters’. If you put:
“Such obsolete terms, LPU. Why…”
It would indicate that Al is addressing the character LPU. As they are irregular names, it’s important you punctuate so we can identify those words as names.

As there is two characters speaking, why not have them in speech marks? I’d alter the format as well- starting new lines without space lines is confusing.

Again, the following punctuation would work- “Analysis complete. Any tangential information required before execution, LPU?”

I like how even our language becomes obsolete after humankind dies out. One other thing- did the machines kill off humankind? Or die out?

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June 29, 2009

by black313

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29	M	Aurora, CO	October 05

it is funny how even though I have had a few ppl request different formats, they all understood the transfer protocol & the ‘improper’ grammar presented by the language processing unit, and the artificial intelligence.  To your other question while there is an answer I will simply say it was not the machines, that much should be clear by the few words presented in “1100011”.

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Interesting poem.  very unique.  might be a little too unique for people to get.  also, why the letter “c”?  is there something special about it?  didn’t seem to be any reference to it throughout the poem.  Would think if you did something more interesting (like a phrase of some sort) then it would work but all you did was end on “c”.  just seemed odd.

This is a tad high-concept. It’s good, but a lot of people are going to be scratching their heads. Even just a dialogue tag or two and some quotation marks to differentiate between the two speakers would help streamline things a bit.

Also, with the first line, “like bees” would fit much better, in my opinion, than “as bees”.

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June 25, 2009

by black313

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Artificial Intelligence would be capable of similitude, but would be prone to metaphor, especially in this situation, being that most other autonomous units would not have the fuzzy logic to take that next step. imho

June 25, 2009

by black313

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29	M	Aurora, CO	October 05

you are not the first to suggest such a change though, & I do appreciate the consideration

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Ah, interesting, very compelling really. Possible problem: I had to look up LPU, but once I did, it’s awesome. It also took me a second to adjust to the formatting.  It’s a little hard to figure out who (or what) is saying what. I’d recommending offsetting the names of whom they are speaking to in commas to help clear that up. Post-modern goodness. Good luck!

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June 24, 2009

by black313

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29	M	Aurora, CO	October 05

thank you, the format is not suppose to be logical to human thought, in this piece I am using transfer protocol, not something that fits with normal English grammar.

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