Poetry / FATES' DRAW (Analysis)
Joker's closed the door
and stacked the deck-
this time, to win;
determined
and no longer bound
to Queen's incessant whim.
Deck is shuffled,
Tens abound,
to rally 'round the King;
odds are now,
that, still, somehow
his heart will fail to sing.
Saddened Jack,
the bower, now-
usurped by chosen brother;
defers to Wiser Hands, again-
afraid to love another.
Crazy Eights, left to skate,
with hearts upon their sleeves;
discard, again,
with tearful yen,
the Ones, destined to leave.
*
by TDJanke
6/08
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the rhyme pattern in this one is wonderful, it flows smoothly. very creative content and i love the imagery. as i read this, i picture in my head these characters from the playing deck sitting around a green table, shuffling cards. Its an amusing image. the title I’m not sure if you mean “Fates’” as in all their fates, or if it should be Fate’s. also the dashes you have at the end of line 2,14 & 16 are really necessary. The punctuation marks in this can get distracting. Maybe try instead of all the semi-colons, etc. make them into shorter sentences. Other than that, I have no critiques. I think it’s a charming write, and I enjoyed it.
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