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Short Story / Selfish

I hardly knew you. You always said you loved me, but I don't think you really knew me either.

Do you remember the first night we met? You were hanging out with us, before break. I was happy about heading off to do something other than school, so were you. You wanted to sit near me, I'd move and you followed me. I always wondered if you noticed that.

Do you remember what I said to you? You thought you were asking me out and being suave about it. I thought you were being creepy. You thought I agreed that I liked you. I thought I was letting you down easily.

This farce of misunderstanding wasn't worth it, don't you see? I got swept along and didn't know what I was doing. I didn't want to kiss you. I kissed you because I felt obliged.

You talked about love. I looked the other way. Three weeks isn't enough time to know you love someone. I led you on, I don't know why. I used you, experimented with you.

You still said you loved me.

You cried when I finally broke it off. I cried too a little, for your sake. You were a good person and didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve what I was doing to you. You deserved happiness that was real, not what I was giving you.

I didn't want you. You still wanted me. Shared glanced you tried to make meaningful I looked away from and tried not to see.

I should have seen something coming.

You told me “I can't hate you, only me” when it was me you should have been hating. Look at what I did to you! I led you on! I used you! I'm the bad guy but worse. The stupid girl who shapes the events around her because of her own selfishness.

But you didn't listen to me. You hated yourself and it ate at you until you couldn't deal with it.

And every night I tell myself there were other reasons.

There must have been, you seemed so happy.

But I hear the words I said to you, the jokes and the hidden meanings. I see pictures of you and I know that I never knew what it all meant to you.

I know that I destroyed you.

You knew it too.

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