Poetry / Departed

for Billy

Doubt and sadness often spar

with hope's eternal spring;

spawning faith,

through prayer's gate,

on love's ascendant wing.

Inside out - to no avail

and still, at love's behest;

lying down, in dreams, again-

an uninvited guest.

Unrequited, cast aside,

a heart no longer sings

of joy-unfettered,

bare and breathless,

free and on the wing.

Laying to rest, without protest,

a wayward, broken heart;

a soul takes flight,

through blinding light-

now ready to depart.

by TDJanke

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Reviews

December 11, 2008

MrJawbreakingEquilibrium

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
262	90.9% (230 votes)	28.9%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
33	M	Mary Esther, FL	June 22

MrJawbreakingEquilibrium reviewed Version 5 - Read 100% of the Item

Look-here, lady-you’re making me feel like Will Farrell in Stranger Than Fiction. Kidding.

I love this. It paints a accurate picture of what it’s like when the person you love doesn’t return the affection to you. I think, that’s what I got.

Also, it dives into how your sadness and self-doubt can make the whole thing an unhappy experience. Which, I got from the first few lines.

There’s a couple of lines that I don’t though:

Doubt and sadness often spar

with hope’s eternal spring;

spawning faith,

through prayer’s gate,

on love’s ascendant wing.        —From the first two lines I understand that
                                     doubt and sadness can ruin hope.  But with
Inside out – to no avail             the semi-colon there it seems that it also
                                     does all those good things to, which I’m
and still, at love’s behest;         sure is meant for Eternal hope’s eternal
                                     spring. I see a couple of lines down you
lying down, in dreams, again-        mention uninvited guest and I guess you
                                     mean that doubt and sadness are the guests
an uninvited guest.                  uninvited in the spawning faith…As is
                                     it just seems that those things go with
                                     doubt and sadness they way it’s written.
                                     I could be wrong but that’s what I see.

Good job.

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December 16, 2008

by TDJanke

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	62.5% (8 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
48	F	Hermitage, TN	June 12

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When all else fails, wing and prayer are viable options.
As to the “uninvited guest”, I’m referring to myself. I’ve never lain with the object of my affection-I love him more than he can feel. I’ve only had him in my dreams.