Poetry / Open Call (for Mother) (Analysis)

I would like to see you continue the feeling of a wanted ad in the paper that you begin with in the first stanza.  I feel that the other stanzas could benefit from the strength of such a unifying structure.  I also believe, that in trying to do this, you would be able to clean up your stanza structure.  Now, it’s a little sloppy with the 2,3,3,3,3,4,3 style… though I know you could have been trying for a certain effect with this, it seems to fall flat here.

I enjoyed this piece very much.  A plea to a mother to love and accept who you are and what you will do, not what she would like you to do.  The stanza, “expect suprise not disappointment” I think is very relateable for a lot of people, especially youth in college.  There are many young people out there who have very high goals which seem almost unnattainable, me being one of them, and all we want is some support and for someone to believe in us, not tell us they do andexpect us to fall back upon our parents.  Starting the piece with “mother warm and soft” implies that you are not putting up a wall, nor are you trying to break ties with her, you accept that she is your mother and you love her very much, but it seems that she thinks you need to be more realistic about your life, and less fantastical.  Once again, I overly enjoyed this piece.  Keep pumping them out!

The message I get from this is that the author’s mother is constantly pressure him to be more like her, something that’s usually reserved for father/son relationships, so right away I like how ti doesn’t adhere to canon.

I radically enjoy how the poem started out, immediately calling to mind the image of an ad taken out in a local newspaper. The following verse seems to me like both something you could find in said ad, or something that would be told to the mother figure directly.

All in all, a very good poem. I’ve always been a fan of vivid imagery, which this poem distinctly lacks, but I think that too many sharp words would take away from the quiet atmosphere that the poem cultivates. I’d keep it as is.

the title of the poem is appropriate. If this is one of those poems where you create shapes with the lines, the shape you created is nicely managed. You wrote an excellent poem, though I don’t find any rhyming (not that it needs any!)

Hm. I like the message here, it’s clear what you’re trying to say. But it’s not very understandable the way you’re writing it. If there was some punctuation to clear up the stanza’s, then it would most definately be easier to understand. IF you’d like, I could send you a message explaining what I think so it won’t cost you credits. Let me know?
I’d also suggest you work on the wording.
It’s a really good piece, and I can see it go far! Awesome! = )

I see the pain in your title, open call, and identify completely with your experience and your analysis of it. It is, however, mostly an analytical work, with only “Warm and soft” expressing your vulnerability. I identify with that analytical self, too, but you might follow this up with some poems that are more in-the-moment, descriptive.

The paradox here is that while you somewhat sarcastically (?) make an open call, you deep down want your mother to change (Let go of your self).  Look out, you may have your own control issues!

As to technique, you might try lower-casing some of the line beginnings. Good work – keep going!

I feel as if I can relate to this poem…I have always wished for a different mom…one that was “warm and soft” and accepting like you articulated.  I like this poem…good work!

I liked it.  It mentions a problem that a lot of teens deal with when facing their mothers, acceptance.  

While the poem didn’t really rhyme, it did bring the thing poems are supposed to, a message.  

I can’t think of any criticism for it, but then again I’m not an expert on poetry.  Stories are more of my thing.

Keep up the good work.

I had to read it twice to figure out if someone wanted to be a mother or if someone wanted a mother. Can you be just a little more specific concerning the advertisement. It might just be me and if it is, i apologize.

I like it though because there is a message of hope and acceptance either way. One other thing, the last stanza sounds a little biblical. Might you change it to something softer.  Maybe, just accept and believe in my love for you, you know something like like this. Sandi