Poetry / Sepulcher

A darkness unfolds. I see only you
standing there, amidst a mist of
clouds and fogs. Worms dig in the
Earth and I can hear them.

Ground, cement, rough pebbles and only
a grey concrete to comfort me. The
moon is half-crescent and the crickets
chirp, a silent chorus for a meeting
with just the two of us.

Eerie breezes, blowing from all
directions, glimmering twilight, the
horizon expanding just beyond where
I can see, the endless expansion
of the nocturnal sky, whose stars
never stop shining.

Smell of rotting flesh, decaying
organs, charred teeth, and a suit
that honestly does look quite dapper.
You have come here. With the pupil
you have left, you look at me.

The dark brown irises, piercing as
a snake’s bite, stare into me, into my
soul, I can feel your eye swirling all
inside me, inside the white gusts of
wind in my body, a hum lost on everyone.

Vermin crawl about the floor and
you stomp on one of them with your
Shoe, a gleaming compaction of latex. You
Smirk. I can taste the pinewood of the
table, tangy but dull, molten but sweet, alive
but dead. You only offer a smile.

Block of stone, etched on, just above
where we stay (for now). The mud
smells and the grass has been
recently clipped. A morning dew rests on
the blades. Dripping down, fresh, spreading all
over, newly permeated.

But a few feet away it is dingy,
dark, dusky, an end in the middle,
in which the final remnants remain,
calcium and velour, shedding and padding.
This is where you and I shall lay, forever.

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Reviews

October 18, 2009

Alex_Bruinekool

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
165	68.4% (38 votes)	27.6%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
17	M	Bellevue, MI	November 22

Alex_Bruinekool reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This poem lost me a bit. It started as a love poem, became a post-apocolyptic bug-killing spree complete with the smell of rotting flesh, then ended as a love poem. It just didn’t grab me.

add/view comments (1)

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	85.4% (41 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
21	M	Marrero, LA	November 14

June 20, 2009

loserlucky89

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
4	60.0% (5 votes)	0.0%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	F	Indianapolis, IN	June 29

loserlucky89 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

The overall emotion of the phrases used in the poem shows that you do have a great talent for words however I felt like there was a bit of disorganization where the phrases did not come together well, over all making little sense. I did not quite understand what the poem was about, however I do feel it has potentional with a bit of rephrasing and thought organization. For your first poem this is a job well done. Much better than my first poems and probably some of them now.

bri