Screenplay / TO HAVE AND TO HOLD - (SHORT) (Analysis)
R - RICHARD (HUSBAND - MID 4O'S)
L - LAURA (HIS WIFE - EARLY 40'S)
I - IAN (LATE 20'S - HANDSOME, WORKING MAN)
SCENE ONE – MORNING - INTERIOR
Post arrives – Richard collects.
Richard going over the bills – Worried. Laura brings him a cup of tea and picks up and examines the latest bill.
R: ‘we just need to be a bit more careful- -Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.
Laura sneaks over to drawer – Takes credit card. Leaves.
L: I’m off.
R: It’s only 7.30.
L: I asked for early starts, we need the money Richard.
Richard put his bills away and notices credit card statement mostly petrol and farm shop - the bill is expensive– Confusion and worry – he looks at the door Laura left through, fade on door.
SCENE TWO – EVENING - INTERIOR
Dinner, eating quietly.
R: I got a call from the university. I didn’t get it. I have applications in three other institutions. Don’t worry. We'll be fine.
Eating slowly and quietly – AMERICAN BEAUTY STYLE.
R: The peas are nice.
Laura’s mobile rings. Laura takes it and goes into living room for conversation. Richard put his plate in the sink, opens drawer, takes out Laura’s credit card bill and goes to door, he stops to listen.
L: I have to go. See you tomorrow.
He pockets the bill. Mini opens door. Richard stands there.
R: Who was it?
L: Rachael – I’ve swapped my early for her late, she can’t get a baby sitter tomorrow.
R: Right. I’m going to get ready for bed.
L: I’ll be up soon.
Richard s lumbers up the stairs.
SCENE THREE – NIGHT - INTERIOR
IN BED – the two of them apart but in the same bed.
R: Laura?....goodnight.
L: Goodnight darling.
Laura turns over. Shot of Richards awake eyes. Shot of Laura’s awake eyes. Richard puts the light out.
SCENE FOUR – MORNING - INTERIOR
POST ARRIVES – Laura hands it to Richard on her way out.
L: I’ll see you tonight.
R: See you.
Richard closes the door. See’s bill, and a letter under it from the university. He opens it. We are delighted to offer you the post of............ Richard goes to open the door to catch Laura. We see her in her car. Laura is talking on the phone. Richard approaches but she doesn’t see him.
L:.......I’m seeing Robbie today, he’s amazing, he’s beautiful. I’ll call you tonight with all the details sweetheart. Bye.
Richard hears this from behind the hedge. Laura’s car pulls away. He storms back into the house throws the letter down, grabs his jacket of the hook, gets in his car and follows.
SCENE FIVE – INTERIOR / RICHARDS & LAURAS CARS
Down the Princess parkway. DRIVING ON MOTORWAY.
Laura turns radio on – Ashley Burn (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER) reporting on the Credit Crunch, Bradford & Bingley etc... Mini turns the radio off again, she doesn’t want to be reminded.
SCENE SIX
Laura pulls up into the yard. Richard gets out of his car and walks up the track to catch Laura out. Another car approaches from ebbs farm. Laura greets the man with a big hug and excited affectionate conversation then leads him into the stables.
Richard watches from the farm gates.
A face of fear and thunder - we follow Richard up the track as he hears Laura baby talking inside.
Hearing enough, Richard bursts in.
R: Where is he? Hey, where is the bastard.
He flings open the tack room door and checks the stables. Ian appears from Robbie’s box. Richard grabs him.
R: Who are you, Robbie? What the fuck are you doing here with my wife, are you Robbie, are you Robbie?
I: No, no. He’s Robbie’s.
Richards slowly lets go of IAN and we reveal ROBBIE THE HORSE. He looks towards LAURA.
R: Then who he.
L: He a farrier.
R: A farrier?
L: For his feet.
Laura puts a head collar on ROBBIE and leads him out. The horse’s affection makes Laura smile the first real smile in the film.
I: I think I’d better go.
L: Thank you Ian, I’ll call you to rebook. Ian the Farrier leaves.
L: There’s some treats in there for him.
Richard takes some linseed flakes from the top of the side cupboard. Laura’s mobile rings again. Withheld number. Richards suspicion is aroused again and he answers the call.
R: Hello.
Silence
R: Hello.
R.A: Hello
R: Who’s this?
R.A: It’s Rachel.......from the yard?!......is Laura there.
Richard passes the phone to LAURA.
L: Hello sweetheart, I can’t talk now. I’m sorry; I’ll speak to you later darling. Bye. Laura hangs up.
L: I’m sorry, I should have told you. I just couldn’t.
R: its ok, we’ll be fine.
L: They were going to sell him for meat..
R: Laura! Its ok, we’ll be fine.
The camera slowly and steadily backs away from the scene out of the stable.
Fade.
TITLE
Final Credits roll on final image. Robbie, Laura and Richard in the Ménage. Robbie running around. Laura and Richard holding hands as the sun sets.
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A fun little short to be sure. Just a few notes about the actual writing for you:
what you have written is good in a situation where either you are directing your own script, or someone you know very well (close friend) is directing. But there are a few things that you may want to consider not doing in a future project (if you would be handing it off to a production company)
“Eating slowly and quietly – AMERICAN BEAUTY STYLE.” Instead of saying American Beauty style, explain it. Do not assume that the director will know what you mean. (and you can’t assume that you will have the opportunity to explain either)
“L: Thank you Ian, I’ll call you to rebook. Ian the Farrier leaves.” Watch your formatting. As this line stands, it looks like Laura says “Ian the Ferrier leaves.”
I’m not sure you needed the extra phone call at the end (with Rachel calling.) The point was driven home before that. It just seems as a space filler.
Other than that, well done. I imagine the process was an interesting one.
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