Lyrics / Move and Miss (Analysis)

In the valley I've been living

Got no friends here I've been feeling low

There's nothing to do and there's no women

Just church folk so there's no winning here

What am I to do?

It's been eight long months now I've been missing you

 

City's calling, city's calling me

Back to the places that we used to meet

I wish you hadn't moved so far away

I'd give anything to go back to those days

Downtown's calling, downtown's calling me

What am I to do?...

What am I to do?

 

In the valley I've been waiting

Oh so patiently

I don't know why there's nothing here for me

Downtown's calling, downtown's calling me

It's been eight long months now I've been missing you

It's been eight long months now I've been missing you

It's been eight long months now I've been missing you

It's been eight long months now what am I to do?

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bjkawa avatar General Stranger

February 18, 2009

bjkawa

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bjkawa reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I wish I could put this to some music, because I like the flow of the lyrics, I just can’t put them together with a sound?  Your message is very clear, but again, without sound, I don’t see a reason to repeat that last line (It’s been eight long months now I’ve been missing you) three times over.  I think it would read better being no more the two, but again, the sound…
Nice work.  Keep writing and working on this piece.

Euphonious avatar General Stranger

February 15, 2009

Euphonious

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Euphonious reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item
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Snuggle_Bunny avatar General Stranger

February 14, 2009

Snuggle_Bunny

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Snuggle_Bunny reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

As a song, I feel the second and third stanzas would do quite well, but the first is very specific.  I can only speak for myself, but the songs I love most are those that I can relate to.  Mentioning the churchfolk might shut some listeners out of what is otherwise a very relatable scenario.  If not for the churchfolk and 8 months specifically, this could be about myself and my husband.

I must say that if this is written not for general performance, but for your friend, it would be perfect to record and send to him or her.  They would treasure it.

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Siren85 avatar

Siren85

Age: 24
Loc: Canada
Gen: F
Last Login: August 21
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Version 1
Latest Activity: 9 months ago

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