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Poetry / Push Me to The Edge (Analysis)
Push me to the edge,
Push me harder.
Push me to the edge
of life and hell.
Keep me close to that edge,
Keep me under control,
You can push me or pull me
but you won't let me go.
Hell has advantages;
Hell has it's hold.
To break free of your spell
I will have to be bold.
I will have to face you, to turn to your eyes
To take in your gaze, your fake kindness, and more-
so much more.
For where kind eyes once gazed back at me,
I see the true fire where you wish me to be.
So now you push me to the edge,
you push me harder
Toward the hell once again, of control and desire
I shift to the right, why couldn't I do this before?
I ask to myself
as YOU tumble to hell's floor.
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dayzed_n_confucius reviewed Version 1 -
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Hello,
I found this piece so odd to stumble across it today, for last night I was thinking of a push-pull relationship and putting it to paper. It probably would have the same end result, which you have so cleverly done. Somewhat like you have displayed here, how women (far too many) put up with such jerks. I guess figuring it is better to have someone rather than being alone. And of course all to often today a child or two are in the ‘mix’, sad. You have brought this emotional mind tug of war to paper. I just wish more women had the fortitude to ‘shift to the right’. Using the word ‘right’ has its own cleverness, intended or not, for it is also the ‘right’ thing to do. Well done my dear.
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B_HDouglas reviewed Version 1 -
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Good idea for a poem here. On line 4 I was hoping for a rhyme, and yet on line 8 I was amazed at the rhyme you gave. L8 is the kind of rhyme this poem needed.
In the first two stanzas, I would only use “Push me to the edge” once, and get a good rhyme in there as well.
Push me to the edge
Try a little bit harder
Remember heaven and hell
Will go on for starters…or something like this maybe?
Push or pull me
Then let me go
Make up some advantages
That hell doesn’t know
Anyway, I hope this helps? Poems of this nature are hard to work with sometimes, since not everyone will understand, etc. Don’t forget, there are a lot of different people who may read it, how you choose to appeal to them is your decision.
Soul_Poet reviewed Version 1 -
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I really do like this poem overall..
i found this line a bit jarring first couple reads. it does go but at the same time takes away from the poems natural flow you worked on from the beginning.
“To take in your gaze, your fake kindness, and more-
so much more.”
also in this line…”I see the true fire where you wish me to be.” maybe wished would be better and maybe in this line “Toward the hell once again, of control and desire” towards that hell.. would read better
great poem though..
blossom_art reviewed Version 1 -
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I can feel the sense of anguish, not sure if i am on the correct path but i felt that the storyline was of abuse and the character becoming stronger within themselves and realising that the only way that they can get away is by finding the strength to move on/away from the one attacking them. I could sense a feeling of the character wanting ‘justice’ and found that it came about in the last 3 lines of the poem.
I also got the feeling of a controlling boyfriend???
ModernDayAthena reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow- this was great. It actually reminded my (symbolically, of course) of situations in my past- people pretending to care when they really just want to see you burn.
I think the last two lines are alright, but you could probably think of a better way to say it.
Zenicia reviewed Version 1 -
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this piece has a very akward ryhming. it does for a few lines and then doesnt and back an forthe but nothing that i could figure out. and the repitition should be looked at and made stronger. i felt as if it didnt flow well and that it needs a little more work.
jlryan31 reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked this. I didn’t see anything rather original or inspiriting from it though. The great thing about poetry is there really aren’t any rules – at least none that I think fit into the traditional roles. Poetry is the form of writing that lets you expand and maybe even put words together that normally wouldn’t be together.
Your intent and vision with this is clear – which is good you want people to be able to know what it is that you are trying to convey. The one thing about poetry is you want people to come away with more than one meaning from it.
The meaning here is clear. The writer was in a bad relationship that has gone sour as so many often do.
As I mentioned before I liked this you just need to give it a little more originality.
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