Humor/Satire / Yes, Wombats (Analysis)

Strange….but true!!

I can imagine that this could play well, (or terribly badly – depending on your audience), in a stand-up situation.

First let me say that I find the word “wombat” to be hilarious to begin with. Good job.

I think you did an excellent job of capturing a feeling of rambling craziness while keeping it funny.

I like this piece and I can see reading it as a monologue.

I’m particular to rhyming so when it goes on and off like that it makes me stop and have to reread it.  But after doing so a few times I quite enjoyed the story.

I can imagine a crazy nurse screaming this and as the men in white coats come up she says everything is fine, until he’s being wheeled out where she reminds him of the damn wombats.

Very funny, especially the ending.

This is good…. not great as you lost the rhyming scheme half way through. Further, the end needs to be redone.. where it shifts from the woman to someone else?

Regardless of these points, this is very silly and made me laugh. Great job. Get some rest. And for God’s sake, stop turning people against wombats! What have they done to you? Heh! Keep writing. Peace.

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April 23, 2009

by Marowit

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
68	82.1% (39 votes)	29.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	F	Natchitoches, LA	October 30

The rhyming was actually lost within about seven lines out of about seventy, so it wasn’t exactly a scheme so much as a loon starting off with a bit of silly words that happened to rhyme.
The whole piece is from the mouth of the woman. Toward the end, it changes to her seemingly being sane, getting the individual she’s speaking to taken away in a loony van. The kicker is at the very end, where she lets it be known that she definitely is nuts.

Glad you liked it, though! :D

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I love this!!  It was very Dr. Seuss-like and I enjoyed that.  I like that you pre-empted the reader with the situation you were in while you were writing it.  It certainly feels this way in many of life’s stressful situations.  I am going to add this to my favorites, so than I can go to it when I’m taking the world to seriously.

Great talent for a young writer!!

For some reason I really enjoyed reading this, it was light hearted and a fun/easy read.

  An amusing and irreverent piece. Nothing ground breaking but you were just blowing off steam and I can see how this would be a good release. You were right about picturing a bag lady or other unstable character delivering this as a rant, in the right hands it would be very entertaining.

Funny. Not laugh out loud funny, but still amusing. The title alone screams “Read me, you chucklehead!” Also liked “wombat-y” as an adjective.

The big problem with this piece is the punctuation, specifically, the use of ellipsis (...) While you use it correctly, most places, you use it a lot, and it’s jarring, especially when most poems don’t feature punctuation at all. Also, to the best of my knowledge, there is no punctuational device made up of 2 periods (..) and that shows up in your piece in the 3rd line and the 5th line from the end. (Technically, you’re not allowed to use more than one exclamation point either, but I break that rule all the time cause it’s fun).

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February 28, 2009

by Marowit

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
68	82.1% (39 votes)	29.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	F	Natchitoches, LA	October 30

Thanks for the pointers. The two periods are most likely typo’s, but the double exclamation is intentional.
As I said, it’s really best read as a comedic monologue, which is what I initially wrote it as. The punctuation was as reference.

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