Poetry / True Disapointment (Analysis)
It shouldn't be like this but, it is
I face the truth everyday in the mirror
A truth that is only shared between my mind and heart
In this situation the phrase 'the truth hurts' couldn't be truer
Memories of your presence, our friendship is like an iron vise on my heart
Metal teeth grip tight, digging in, leaving never healing wounds
My Feelings for you are like heavy meatal chains wrapping around my heart
Restraining me
Sinking me
Caught up in fantasy of never ending wishes
My mind, my heart, my body
They sing for you, only you
Years are gone but still I'm sinking, falling to the abyss
This love I carry like a burden is an anchor
Pulling me to the darkest depths of dissapointment
As always I am truly disappointed knowing the truth
You don't want me
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 20 word review has not been unlocked.
This 25 word review has not been unlocked.
Nicely done
some problems with tenses, everything is put in a present tense, the second paragraph sould be put in past tense. Because you state it as a memory.
- add/view comments (0)
I understand the intention of creating a pause after “but” in the first line, but for the sake of the grammar Nazi in me, I have to point out that the comma placement is wrong.
Aside from that, I couldn’t find any blatant errors. The intention of the poem is clearly spelled out and tangible to the reader. Well done.
Showing 1 - 4 of 4
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
