Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Imprints

This is the beginning of something, but the question is where it will ultimately lead. As random thoughts, the text has some interest, but it is the fleshing out of those thoughts that would be interesting to read.  I have left ratings which are intermediate because there is not enough here to make a fuller judgment.

This piece has an interesting theme that you’re trying to express, but I think it could use some revisions.

In the first sentence there should be a comma between the words lives and they.

Some of the language if vague and I think it would benefit by choosing more specific examples to express ideas more completely. For example, you use the phrase “other gouge at the very essence of who we are”. What exactly do you mean by essence though? Maybe you could say personality traits or basic beliefs and values instead of essence? Or maybe you could use a personal example (or make one up depending on what you want to do with the piece) for each of the things you are talking about. Give an example of someone performing an act of kindness or hatred. I think that would make the piece more authentic and memorable.

It occurs to me sometimes, especially when I’m having a bad day that I am being sensitive to comments that people make. Comments that on another day I would miss or dismiss I take to heart.

Do some disguise their evil from others but are quick to let it loose on a stranger?

I am reminded of the butterfly effect. If someone makes me feel bad and then I pass that on to a stranger then I have helped the evil onward.

This piece asks a lot of psychological questions. Be good to hear your answers

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March 14, 2009

by webwriter

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43	F	New Port Richey, FL	April 24

Thanks for your insight….  it’s given me an idea for another writing!  WebWriter

March 15, 2009

by quaintfungus

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39	M	United Kingdom	November 19

I had another thought afterwards. I heard of an idea valled A meme (I think thats how you spell it. It’s possibly a Richard Dawkins idea. It suggests that like genes in people ideas grow and transport themselves through people almost like viruses. The person who makes an evil remark  or good suggestion is merely a conduit for the idea or meme to continue living and multiplying. Dunno if this helps. Liked your blog very thoughtful.

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“Complete strangers”- It’s normally people we know who can hurt us the most with ease.

You’ve got the start of something here, but it doesn’t feel complete- delve into what strangers could do and why it’s easier for them than people who know us.

Bringing us into it at the end is a strong device but again, this could do with expanding for more impact. What are we likely to have done that we might later regret?

I agree that it’s very important to monitor the kind of effect you have on those around you.  You are right that even something as simple as a poorly timed rude remark can be hurtful to others.  

This is just a blog, but for what it’s worth I think this oversells it a bit:

“happy acts of kindness” -you could take out “happy”

“shared [or] a stranger’s “

“leaving deep scars as impressions” -a scar is still an impression so “not” didn’t really make sense.

“us for eternity” -maybe “for a life time” hopefully we don’t carry our scars into the afterlife, if you believe in one.

“words of hate, a sneer, a look, all sear our souls ” -these surely aren’t “the worst” you mention in the previous sentence?  These are pretty trivial offenses when you compare them to  physcially, emotionally, or sexually abuse.

I’d like to believe we have tougher skin than you describe here.

This is something that I had touched on in many of my past writings. The disgust people feel for someone black, white, brown. The look of a stranger is something that can stay with you, a look you will always remember. Why are they looking at you this way? Just because they are having a bad day doesn’t make it okay to treat complete strangers like crap. You pass someone in the middle of the sidewalk and they purposely bump into you and don’t even say excuse me. I mean what’s that about. This was very insightful. I like how you describe what many regular nice people think when they run into someone. The feelings of “ah, i’d I do?” Well done, I think.

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March 11, 2009

by webwriter

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43	F	New Port Richey, FL	April 24

Thank you.  I would be interested in reading some of your writings based upon your critique.

March 11, 2009

by dcyuelling

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198	80.8% (120 votes)	34.9%

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31	F	Blakeslee, PA	November 22

I only have one poetry writing on here. “Fall” but that’s it. Most of my stuff I post on ‘Blogit!’

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