True. Ty for suggestions. I will look into it shortly. Biopoems are composed weird anyway.
Poetry / Bio Poem-Truth (Analysis)
Truth
Mysterious justice twisted and concealed,
Breaking through the inner self
Blinded by fate, often rejected to avoid chaos
Who sometimes experiences warmth, dwindling among the darkness,
Relief when told after the unleashing from the twisted knot felt within
A buried chest of secrets in the sands of one’s heart
Concealed in the inner depths to prevent harm to one's it loves
Truth accomplishes trust, loyalty, and overcomes the serpents that glare upon the innocent
Truth never wants to be locked down with the chains of our hearts or constantly losing allies,
Truth requiring a last name would be utterly useless.
The first name is true enough.
2nd edit March 2009
1st Edit March 2008 2006
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richardlynn51 reviewed Version 1 -
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The last line is very good.Maybe separate nouns “Truth and Justice” from adj’s
mysterious, twisted, concealed to have stronger emphasis of subject? Very honerable subjects to explore! thank you
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altosaxgeek5 reviewed Version 1 -
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Hm. It seems kind of prosey to me, not overly poetic, and it’s hard to find a good rhythm. Believe that’s supposed to be “feels” in the fourth line. Some of the lines could be broken into two or more to make it easier to find a rhythm for the reader. Love the last line, though. Overall a good job for a school assignment, and I take it you enjoyed yourself in composing it, and that’s what this is all about.
pencil2008 reviewed Version 1 -
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Is “fells” supposed to be “feels” on 3rd line? 3rd to last line runs a little bit, maybe polish that? Thanks
Joel_Mitt reviewed Version 2 -
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I Don’t know, I know this is a “bio poem” but I’d just like to see that made clearer in the actual piece.
“Truth doesn’t require a last name for the first name is true enough.” – this line seemed pretty redundant and unnecessary. Truth doesn’t have a last name to begin with…
Also, truth sometimes doesn’t appeal to others, that’s why it is twisted and concealed from time to time as you previously stated.
I’d consider working on your line breaks as well. Some of these run on so long a smoker might not be able to get to the end. Try breaking at commas or periods for a start.
fletchrwoo reviewed Version 3 -
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I would check the line breaks. I had trouble finding the rhythm. I very much like the last line.
Maria reviewed Version 3 -
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This was a wonderful piece. I loved the word play, and expression. This reads very well, and provides a good visual for the reader. I realize this was a poem written for fun, but you have created a very nice poetic piece of art here.
I enjoyed this read very much. If this was just I fun write, I would very much like to read some more serious pieces. You have a real talent.
Nightwish_Ruin reviewed Version 3 -
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this piece is good… i liked how you talked about truth as if it was a person…. i think it could have been a bit clearer though…. but i do like it… great start… and keep it up…..
Hawaiianguy07 reviewed Version 4 -
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I not much of a poetry buff. I don’t know much about rhythm or form of poems so basically all i can say is that your use of metaphors is quite strong. I especially like the line “overcomes the serpents that glare upon the innocent.” It definitely evoked emotion within me since i feel that truth is under attack on all sides in this day in age.
Tak3thechanc3 reviewed Version 4 -
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wow, you have some serious skill. Your poem is very thought provoking and flows quite nicely.
Keep up the good work, I can’t wait to read more!
TheSatch reviewed Version 4 -
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I really like this poem, and I think there is truth weaved well into each line. Most of the imagery is evocative and powerful.
“often rejected to avoid chaos” – love it. A very keen observation.
“overcomes the serpents that glare upon the innocent” – I like the imagery here.
“Truth requiring a last name…” – Enjoyed this line as well, a strong statement. You really say a lot in this poem as I read it. Kudos for that.
I do have one suggestion for improvement. I would try to break up and pace the piece a bit more with punctuation in spots. In particular, I think adding a period to the first line “Truth.” gives it some weight. I’d also add one to the end of the third line, and consider inserting a dash or other marks throughout. As it stands, you have a pretty big run-on sentence for the entire piece until you get to the last few lines. I think pacing would make this a lot more readable.
All in all, great job. Best of luck with it!
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