Poetry / Perfection (Analysis)

One breath
A final whisper
Ringing in my ears
I cease to be
who I truly am.
I cross the line
of humiliation
and tempt my demons
of devastation.

Golden light
Streams from her eyes
A halo rests upon her head
where her purities lay
Breathing paused
Heart stopped
Dreaming of a deadly sin
I talk with confusion
wondering when this will end

She speaks in low voices
but the words are loud noises
I cry inside
and I wonder if she can hear

A beauty underneath
Flowing with every heartbeat
In my soul, she rests

Perfection here
Perfection there
Past her flaws
and her thoughts

I see a fire
she wishes were true
Not a liar
but one who spills truth

This is the beauty of perfectio
 

Reviews

April 07, 2009

blackrosemage

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
101	85.7% (70 votes)	38.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
19	F	United States	October 28

blackrosemage reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Overall, an amazing piece with deep emotion and thought. I love how you worded what you felt about her, using the halo to emphasize. I think you have talent, if my words count. = D But anyway, good luck with publishing. I didn’t spot any error, but I am not a professional poet either.

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April 08, 2009

by Yodec

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
8	66.7% (24 votes)	47.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
16	M	Lincoln, NE	September 17

Thanks! Yeah, this one was actually inspired by something that’s going on in my life.

But if you look at some of my other poems, some are really good, and some make no sense and are bad. Of course, there comes the saying, “Every dog has his day.” Or, in my case, “days.” But thanks for your critique!! Happy Trails. :)

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