Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Caution has been thrown to the ground and Conscience is ducktaped in the utility closet (Analysis)

From the top, the writing was extreemely loose. This was fine however, coupled with the attitude portrayed, and the style. For a journal or diary this would be fine, and for blogging, very acceptable. However, the reason people have developed writing guideleines, and follow them, is to make reading universally easier for people who only dip into the literary community. If I did not read or write often, I believe this peice would have seemed foreign, hard to understand, and difficult to digest.

I was trying to figure out why you spaced it line by line as you did, and came to the assumption that you were forcing the next thought or idea into the mind of your reader. With me, it had an adverse effect. I think you should have placed all your thoughts into regular paragraphs.

The idea presented! Sure! I agree wholeheartedly with you. My life has taken turns for the worst because I was driving too fast. The only thing I would suggest is LIVING IN THE MOMENT WHILST PAYING ATTENTION!!! ;)

“The “What if?” that plague’s”      should be plagues

I found this to be a confusing read.  You go back and forth between throwing caution to the ground and advise on why not to.  Perhaps breaking those issues into 2 seperate paragraphs, complete thoughts on their own would make it easier to read.

I don’t get the final message, and I’d like to know more about what you’ve lost because you threw caution to the ground and duct-taped conscience in the closet.  That’s a powerful statement, but I would like to see powerful visuals to go along with it.

I find it needs a good re-write, then post a second version using whatever feedback you get and go from there.  It is worth persuing, I just feel it is in it’s raw form- hence the lower criteria scoring.

Regards-
WebWriter

nice work. there are a few grammatical errors but i’m not a grammar expert so i’ll leave that to others to critique. i will focus instead on the context. the topic was good, you were very expressive and clearly project what you feel in your writing. i was able to understand what you were trying to say about freedom and carefree-ness and can relate to it personally.

a few things i can point out as improvement is the use of cliches, which in my shallow study of writing, is typically not recommended. Unless of course you have a good reason for it in your writing context. Here’s an example:

“it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. ”, “throw caution to the ground”, “took it for all that it was worth” just to name a few.

I can see that they’re useful here but it was a bit excessive. I would personally avoid cliches and write a more progressive narrative or description to replace it. I find the result much better, more personal, and much more interesting.

I like how you approached the finish.
“I guess the point is, from time to time throw caution to the ground, lock conscience in the utility closet…”

You made your point moving forward and explained your belief in impulsiveness – the drift-with-the-wind attitude, then the nice finish “You’ll never find them in a closet.”

Nice. Thanks for sharing.

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March 31, 2009

by kris10

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	50.0% (6 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
24	F	Colonia, NJ	April 28

Thank you for the review. And I agree with your use of cliches however, the reason those phrase’s were selected was this piece was actually based off a real conversation with a friend and those were the words I used hence I felt they should be part of the piece. But again thank you. And typically the phrase is “Caution has been thrown into the wind” again however I have been dubbed  ”the wind” due to my impulse so the turn was that this was not thrown to the wind but rather to the ground. There’s no real way to explain that within the piece itself either.

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