Flash Fiction / LAMENT

This is funny, and still relevant to how a lot of people feel.  Good job!

Very good.  You didn’t use any colons or semi-colons like a lot of the other six-word-stories.  And it feels light and easy to understand.  Also sounds very personal.  Anywho, very good piece.

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January 02, 2009

by ckbailey

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thanks. kind of hard to understand how anyone feels the need for a colon or semicolon in a six-word piece.

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It’s a decent line.  I wonder if you could use ‘neglected’ instead of ‘forgot’.  Sounds better to me.

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December 02, 2008

by ckbailey

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“neglected” is actually closer to what i was getting at, although i don’t really like how the word sounds in the sentence…what’s another punchier word that conveys the same meaning? hmmm…”failed”? (but wait—when i looked up “neglect” in my thesuarus, “forget” was one of the synonyms…)
thanks for your input.

December 03, 2008

by Treatsa

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I like how it sounds against ‘instructions’ to me it balances the sentence.

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I think I’d like to know who “they” are.  It’s super in its statement, i would like to think of it as – not just just in the smith sense – but in life.  we never get instructions.  and thats why i like it!

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July 18, 2008

by ckbailey

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well, “they” would be any number of people: parental units, authority figures in general, teachers, role models, etc. but with a six word limit, i just have to trust the reader to fill in the blanks. if i’d been allotted one additonal word(& wouldn’t seven words have been a better & more icon limit?), i would have specified something like “correct” or “relevant” instructions; because, while all of the aforementioned did in fact issue scards of instructions, they weren’t necesarilly the ones one needs or should follow.
i agree that one of life’s greatest goals & pleasures is trying to figure out the right instructions, much as we struggle to divine meaning from the instruction page that comes with a foreign-made product that requires assembly.  

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Interesting. More of a description of life in general than specifically the creative life. In the creative life, we don’t always need instructions- we make our own stories with our own ideas. That’s what makes it creative. So “They forgot” I don’t really think fits. A nice line for a different situation- Life, Adolescence, motherhood/fatherhood I expect would be fitting topics.

funny.   good title and tight line.

not much to critique here, so i suppose i can at least offer my take on it.

it reads (to me) and someone commenting on their life.  henceforth, “they” could be construed as angels, having mishandled the instructions from God.  

or

someone really just forgot to give you the instructions, and now you’re stuck staring at a mess of nuts and bolts.  

either way, “Lament” as a title works.

well done.  

I can see this as a comment about life, creative or otherwise.  The only thing I would change is “They”  It’s just like all those quotes, “They say…”  It leaves too many people asking who they are.  You can give personality to your comment if “They” has a name. Even something as simple as “Life”.

I think it would move it from the realm of cliche to being effective.

It’s funny but only in the context if you’re talking about the six word memoir.  Is that what you’re going for?  Or something else?  Because the intructions are right there.  Kidding.  Good job.

It’s a little too straight forward.

Instructions were not included.  I’m doomed.

Or something more ‘outside the box’ would help you.  

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March 31, 2009

by ckbailey

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hey, here i took your advice(from your review of version 1) & changed that word, & you’re still criticizing!   guess there’s just no pleasing some people…

March 31, 2009

by Treatsa

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I noticed that.  

The more I think about the whole 6 word thing the more impossible they get.

I don’t know if you’ve looked at the ones that were doing well in the contest but they tend to not be such straight-forward sentences.  

This sentence is better than the original but could still use some tweaking.

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I liked this one.  It can go in all kinds of aspects of life.  From a deeper perspective, it could be like instructions on how to be a good person, how to raise a child with respect, how to earn people’s trust.  It says that you weren’t told how to be, you just are.  Anyway, that’s the meaning I get out of it.  Good job.  I gave you a 7, but most of these 6-word things get a 4 or less from me.  They’re not very creative, but yours is funny and meaningful.  Kudos!