Poetry / Destination

This one is simple yet unique, with just 4 lines you made it suspenseful as to what exactly your destination was/is… it gives the reader a chance of imagining which I like about mystery type poetry… the only suggestion is to change for my destination “is” beyond the stars to For my destination “lies” beyond the stars and maybe replacing not with neither on the first line, otherwise great poem…

Superb title! It gives the feeling that death is our inevitable fate, yet the speaker of the poem is willing to embrace it because of their faith in the afterlife.

Your teacher had some very good advice about trying to even up the lines, especially since you have a bit of rhyme going on: far/star. You could remedy this by avoiding the repetition of the word “destination” (perhaps removing it from the text altogether), allowing your title to speak for itself. I would then try to pare down the final two lines to match the length of the first two, as follows:

Perhaps not of this world,
but neither near nor far;
for Heaven surrounds me,
yet lies beyond the stars.

Short and sweet is often the best. I tried to enhance your rhyme by switching around the lines, and also tried to play up the contradiction between Heaven being close to the speaker, yet far away all at once. Having strealined this stanza, you may even wish to build upon what you have. I hope that I have been helpful. Thank you. :)

I think that by writing this, you are reassuring yourself that it’s okay to think about death, and you feel that God is with you every step of the way. This shows to your readers that you are a Christian, and that you believe in it strongly, which helps you with this piece. You put your true beliefs into this, and even though it is simple, it still has a lot of meaning.

I like it – short and simple. I do think that – in how I’m reading this – that Heaven, for you, is both near and far. So, your closeness to God makes Heaven all around you?? If so. I think I might carry that from the first line into the second one – “My destination surrounds m and is not of this world….” something to that affect. Also, count out your syllables like we did with Haikus. I’d like to see the impact this would have if the lines were closer in length. Final note, look for synonyms for “not” – too many of them in such a short space. I really do like it – it’s peaceful. Reassuring. Often times, death is so scary – this makes death beautiful.

BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha! i absolutley love it! I love how the title gives room for imagination, but then you tell them what it is! It is wonderful and loving.