Oh, I forgot about the reviewer note thing..
Thanks for pointing it, I’ll change it. I totally didn’t think about having that interpretation.
But thanks for the review :]
Poetry / Untitled (Analysis)
Stained from the blood of another wound,
A thorn from another rose
Pricks my skin so fragile
The millionth time torn to pieces
Maybe sometime I'll break
Finish your job,
I'm not supposed to still be alive.
Isn't it always that way?
An almost finished puzzle
Destroyed in the making.
Go tell the world you almost killed me,
But you spared me,
And left me to die alone.
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SkyeRayven reviewed Version 1 -
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ATFord reviewed Version 1 -
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stefykg reviewed Version 1 -
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Rareliquid reviewed Version 1 -
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The first line is perfect. I actually took it totally different than it was intended when I first read it. Either way, it’s a good line.
I question the last two lines of the 2nd stanza. I got a little thrown because you speak of how the pain is par for this course, making it seem like this is what you are always destined to receive, therefore you should be alive to continue being damaged.
I’m not the best at explaining what is throwing me off, I am sorry. It seemes like this whipping boy serves a purpose not iterated in the work.
Is destruction neccessary or can one just muss the pieces of the puzzle?
The last stanza seems completely disconnected from the rest as it turns to the outside. The intimacy of the rest of the work feels devalued by bringing in the world.
I don’t know if this was any use to you…
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urbanrenewal reviewed Version 1 -
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As a clue, don’t ever, ever just say “Yeah just threw this down” othertwise we are inclined not to really bother giving it a good review, because you don’t really care about it either. Everything written is important. So change your reviewer note and let us judge how good it is. We don’t care if it was written in two minutes or two hours, we’ll judge for ourselves how good we think you are.
That being said, it was a little confusing, but had nice flow to it. The line An almost finished puzzle destroyed in the making, that stood out as a great line, but could perhaps become “An almost finished puzzle, the peices destroyed in the making” I don’t know, just my opinion. :-)
Good work! You’d have got an eight instead of a 9 if it wasn’t for your reviewer note!
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