Poetry / Nature's Beauty
A waterfall glistens in the warm sunlight.
The soft roars of water sweetly sing.
To many, it is just a waterfall.
But there is a special kind of gift,
Given to only those who seek beauty.
Beauty, not of riches, but of earth.
A mountain stretches high above the earth,
Reaching for the warmth of the sunlight.
Its curves and ridges are more than beauty.
Nothing compares to its lovely gift.
Creatures below listen to it sing,
Songs of wonder, beauty, and waterfalls.
A white bird sits near the waterfall,
Waiting for the water to show sunlight.
A bear cub watches for the beauty,
Very aware of mother nature's gift.
The sun rises higher above earth.
Clouds above the bright simmering sun sing.
The mountains and clouds don't always sing.
The days refuse to show the sunlight.
The bright colored flowers cease to earth.
When even the chosen can't see the gift.
When acid rains destroy the beauty,
The grey skies cry tears like great waterfalls.
If only loved, were the waterfalls.
Mountains once again would call to the sunlight.
When the light comes the white bird will sing.
Flowers will again bring forth their beauty.
Nature will return her wondrous gift.
Every creature in harmony with earth.
A beautiful home the planet earth.
Morning skies bring rays of golden sunlight.
Their warmth flows like a swift waterfall.
Clouds wrap the rays in shimmering beauty,
While colors in the sky dance and sing.
The inhabitants rejoice in its gift.
Sing now of the wondrous beauty.
Like waterfalls reflecting the sunlight,
Earth is truly a marvelous gift.
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Because this is a sestina, heavily dependent on the repitition of those six little words, be extrmemly wary of repeating them or other words in the rest of the stanza. For example: both waterfall and beauty appear twice in the first stanza. This will kill your poem because your reader will become bored. Try out those thesaurus skills if it can’t be retooled so that you don’t need the repeats. Instead of waterfall, it could be cascade.
roar, not roars. (1st stanza)
2nd stanza. change up the waterfalls to be water fall (as in two words). Remember, a sestina is highly dependent on sound devices. You can change what the actual repeat is…as long as it sounds the same ;)
Your call backs are out of order. This is part of the form and it has to remain rigid, unfortunately, to be a sestina. Keeping them in order and having it sound natural are the main challenges of this form. Cheat on somethings…but not everything. Otherwise, it falls apart.
Third stanza: Very aware…very is empty syllables, unneeded, and make it read awkwardly. I know you need these two syllables for the meter, but very is kind of a cop out, meaningless (you’re either aware, or you’re not)...you’ll have to figure out another way to get those two syllables. (How about keenly or sharply?)
Fourth stanza: flowers cease to earth…sounds awkward. consider rephrasing.
Terminal couplet…where’s your waterfall???
Such strict form is tricky, tricky. A very ambitious undertaking and I’m impressed that you even attempted it. Some very nice images in this poem. “Waiting for the water” has a nice cadence, nice alliteration. “Mountains once again would call to the sunlight” is startling (in a good way) personification because usually you think of the sun being the one who calls to things in nature, wakes them up. Your stanzas don’t seem to flow together in a unified way. While they should be somewhat stand-alone, there needs to be a golden thread (of theme) that runs more steadily throughout and delivers it all in a golden bow in that last terminal couplet like “here it all is, ta-da!”. You’ve done some great work here and have at least a little more to do. Good Luck.
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