Thank you for your review, I’m glad you liked it.
Please login to continue.
Poetry / Untitled (so far)
I am not yours.
You are not mine.
I will not be owned.
You will never be tamed.
I know you as I know myself.
I will never fully understand you.
You are always in the rooms of my soul
Where there are doors you will never unlock.
You tore the bars from my prison cell,
I stayed with you in yours.
You are the army that stands beside me.
Mine is the voice that speaks from the void.
We are madness, chaos, confusion.
We are the calm center.
We are the rain and the wind and the lightning.
We are the unchanging rock.
We are the ever shifting sand.
We each are whole unto ourselves.
Together we are one.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
SkyeRayven reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I like this writing and am interested to see the title you come up with, play with your words and be creative. I have a favorite line of “Where there are doors you will never unlock” but it also doesn’t seem to quite make sense the first time you read it, so maybe making it more clear but keeping the consistant meaning? Good luck, hope I helped. =]
- add/view comments (0)
ForeverFighting reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
You did a good job with this. The word choice is good and the whole poem flows very well. I especially like the lines: “You are always in the rooms of my soul
Where there are doors you will never unlock.
You tore the bars from my prison cell,
I stayed with you in yours.”
Keep writing and developing this. I think you could make this into seomthing really great.
Mikhail_S reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Defiance would be a good title.
I’m reminded of something Ivan once said:
“Song after song we croak on the touchlines wondering where our universes will collide and what this to do with a mirage, a dream, a coach, a baboon, a timeplant, a piecunt, a mandarin, a sandwich, a dreamcunt or a selection of biscuits.”
Listen, your imagery is strong. You are a talented poet, but this poem is unemotional. It is a stylistic experiment from someone who is an avid poetry writer but whose emotional nuclei are imbalanced.
Take pot, date an African hooker, marry a wench named Frank.
Then write about it.
Love,
David the Muddled
imvanessaclark reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I’d like to see u give this a title. i had an art teacher say not titling ur work is like not naming ur children I like how u show that you can become one entity, but still maintain ur whole indualities. that’s hard to come across. interesting love story. When u get into the - We’s – i feel like u get a little to generalizing… little bit generic feeling, apart from the earlier part of the poem. before u get to the we’s your a lot more detailed, and bring up fresh images.
Wigmo reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I think paradoxical poetry comes to mind. It has nice imagery and simple subtext yet there is the simple concept of not being able to make a point besides contradicting itself.
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
5 Reviews 7 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 10 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 48 Times
Skipped: 5 Times
Ratings & Rankings
