I see elderly people all the time who use wheelchairs but can still walk so wheelchairs can be considered an appropiate example even people with spina bifida use wheelchairs I know 3 currently and they all can walk they just choose not to.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Death
- Death is a disease growing inside all of us.
- We aid it by every day, smoking, fucking, testing the chances of our limitations, seeking thrills but finding only the cold, bony hands of the Grim Reaper to guide us into Hell.
- It's a cancer that festers inside our very souls, it gnaws at our insides, and we feed it. I see it every day, walking the streets. I see it in the mutilated remains of a dog that's been run over in the street, I see it in every news report of a downed airplane, I see it screaming to me from every headstone in the cemetery, I see it latching onto old people who can barely get up from their wheelchairs.
- It's all around us, permeating every second, minute, hour, and day of our lives. And when it comes it is such a silent and stealthy force. One instance and you're gone.
- Your life, your accomplishments, your identity, it's all rendered a null and black void once the scythe whisks you away. And you are gone forever, never to return.
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pjwilson reviewed Version 1 -
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Overall, your piece works for me. Although you do have some minor stylistics problems, I would be more than happy to enlighten you on some if you choose to e-mail me.
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medicman65 reviewed Version 1 -
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This has great potential, but you don’t really bring up anything that we all haven’t seen already. We know we die, from birth on. Perhaps writing a short story with Death as a physical person would be more compelling. Someone has to hold that “scythe” anyway. True, this isn’t an original concept, but build some suspense, get the reader to question something, tell a story rather than write an editorial.
snarfus reviewed Version 1 -
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Technically, this appears to be a very strong piece. No glaring grammatical or spelling errors that I can see.
The main issue here is that this really sounds like every other bit of postmodern talk on death. There’s nothing here that really stands out as a unique take on the subject. If you’re so inclined, you can easily disguise this by fact interjecting a touch of humor. That way, while it might not be terribly original, it’ll be more entertaining.
Matthewtuckey reviewed Version 1 -
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Fucking sometimes produces death. It also, more frequently, produces life. So I’m not sure it aids the disease in all of us, as you put.
Not sure “wheelchairs” is the right word. Most people who use them can’t get up at all. “seats” might be better. “Rocking chairs”, maybe.
“One instance”- I think you’d need to put an example in this section to make it complete.
Your accomplishments are only worthless to you after you’ve died. People still use light bulbs long after Thomas Edison has died. So they’re not null and void, I don’t think.
I don’t see why it needed to be in a list format.
You could expand on it with a bit of research.
moonlitjade reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow that is definitely a Powerful piece I think most of the wording is absolutely perfect although somehow I think that the second line can somehow be changed. Maybe it’s just the fact that you only drop the F bomb there once and even then you were using it in its true meaning. I’m blathering right now I really do love this piece. It embodies so much of what I’ve gone through. I really think that this topic was really something to you. Your style as you asked for is great. The words you used in this piece gave it soul and imagery where it was no longer black and white on a piece of paper The words became an image. I wish you luck in your writing career and continue using your skills in imagery they may very well make something of you.
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