Stage Play / The Stagehand
The Stagehand
Characters: (7 children)
Narrator (also play’s director and writer)
Leading Man (referred to as “Brave Rescuer”)
Damsel in Distress (referred to as “Fair Dame”)
Audience Member 1 (male)
Audience Member 2 (female)
Audience Member 3 (short male, youngest of 3)
Stagehand
Props:
Dummy (referred to as “Thieving Villain”)
quick and easy stage set-up (only 2nd set of curtains put up behind stage’s main set of curtains with 3 chairs in front of it really required)
3 chairs in front of 2nd set of curtains marked #1, 2, and 3
frying pan (considered the “sword”)
The set is basically a theater, with stage and chairs in front of this stage and its 2nd set of curtains for the “audience” of the play’s play.
[The regular curtains are drawn. Audience Members 1, 2, and 3 are shown to be facing the 2nd set of curtains. 2 and 3 may fidget, but 1 appears totally engaged in the play and impatient for it to begin again.]
Narrator: [from behind 2nd set of curtains]: Action!
[The 2nd set of curtains are drawn to reveal the Leading Man with right foot bent over dummy and right hand triumphantly holding frying pan (sword) high over head.]
Leading Man: And, thus, I have triumphed over this villain, this thief who would have what is mine! I have rescued this Fair Dame, and the only fair recourse left is a timely wedding ceremony!
Narrator: The Fair Dame is so relieved by her rescue that her heart near bursts with joy at her Brave Rescuer’s proclamations. Despite her earlier fears of marriage and childbearing, which were truly only caused by her fear of the Thieving Villain’s embrace, she falls with relief and love into the arms of her Brave Rescuer.
[Damsel in Distress stands still, leaving Leading Man with empty outstretched arms. Audience Member 1 coughs. Leading Man opens his arms wider and emphasizes with a quick jerk that they are outstretched and ready to envelope Damsel in Distress. However, Damsel in Distress remains stone-silent and still.]
Narrator: [with more emphasis] And so she falls with relief and love into the arms of her Brave Rescuer.
[Damsel in Distress still remains frozen in place. Audience Member 1 yawns.]
Narrator: [visibly show his aggravation over his actress’ failure to play her part properly and thus reveals openly that he is no longer following the play’s script]: Oh, come on! How many times did we go over this? How could you forget? Are you daydreaming? PAY ATTENTION!
Leading Man: You know perfectly well she did not forget-
Audience Member 2: Now, this is finally getting good.
Audience Member 1; What are you talking about? It’s completely wrong!
Audience Members 2 & 3: Shut up!
Narrator: Oh, is she still on about what the Fair Dame “really” felt? How would she know? I wrote the play! I’m the director. I’m the narrator! She is merely playing the part I made for her!
Damsel in Distress: Even so, you are completely wrong. It is quite obvious from the beginning that the Fair Dame does not desire to marry anyone. Just because the Brave Rescuer saves her from the Thieving Villain’s attempt to force her into marriage does not mean she will suddenly want to marry after all-
Leading Man: But what other reward could the Brave Rescuer be granted?
Narrator: It is all he desires.
Audience Member 2: It figures that it’s always the hero’s desires that are taken into account first.
Audience Member 3: Don’t you mean only?
Audience Members 1 & 2: Shut up!
Narrator: I’m sorry for this botched performance, Fair Audience! Next time, the Fair Dame will play her part the right way-
Damsel in Distress: I may as well play the dummy. What’s the difference?
Audience Member 2: She does have a point. Speaking of which, why must I be Audience Member 2? I didn’t want to sit here in the first place, anyway; this seat sucks!
Audience Member 3: Save the best for last?
[Audience Member 2 begins to nod approvingly.]
Audience Member 1: You know, 3 comes after 2...
Audience Member 2: [shaking fist at Audience Member 1] Why, I oughta...
Stagehand: [prances from behind the 2nd set of curtains to stand in front of Narrator, Damsel in Distress, and Leading Man] When do I get to play my role?
[Narrator, Damsel in Distress, and Leading Man stare at one another dumbly.]
Stagehand: I set the stage, I put up the props, I sweep the floors and clean the seats before the audience arrives, and I never even get seen or thanked for any of it!
Narrator: There’s a special thank you just for you in the play’s pamphlets!
[Stagehand rips a long, thin pamphlet from his jacket pocket.]
Stagehand: You mean the tiny scrawl at the bottom of the back cover?!
[Stagehand rips pamphlet in half.]
Stagehand: You all spend the whole play on stage! I don’t even get to bow with the rest of you at the end. And I wasn’t even allowed to pull the curtain this time! [points at Damsel in Distress] She killed my happy ending!
[Stagehand falls to the floor next to the dummy.]
Leading Man: Like he’s got it so bad. I risked life and limb when he tossed that heavy dummy at me and this girl won’t even touch me because she’s so self-important.
Damsel in Distress: You mean independent, don’t you?
Narrator: The word you’re both looking for is insolent.
Stagehand [shoots up from the ground]: I’m dead. DEAD, you hear me? Don’t all go talking about me like I still exist! [falls back to the ground and lies still]
Damsel in Distress: Like you really want to hold me in your arms so bad? You two think so much alike, you might as well be the ones to tie the knot. [points to Narrator] You’d make him so relieved and joyful.
Audience Member 2: Now, that would be the perfect pair!
Audience Members 1 & 3: Shut up!
Stagehand [shoots up]: Don’t all cry at once, now. I’m dead, I’m dead, DEAD, I tell you! [falls back to ground and lies still]
Narrator: I will have order here! I am still the one in control! What I say, goes! Damsel in Distress marries the Brave Rescuer, Audience Member 2 sits in Seat 2, and Stagehand- [kicks Stagehand, who remains perfectly still and does not respond in any way]. Stagehand?
Audience Member 3: Is he...
Stagehand [shoots up]: I’m dead! And you’ll never get me alive!
[Stagehand runs to main curtains and pulls them shut.]
Narrator: [from behind the main curtains] That Thieving Villain! Somebody help me pick up this dummy! I can’t carry the frying pan, too... oh, just wait ‘til I get my hands on that stagehand...
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This 102 word review has not been unlocked.
The directions at first are a bit distracting. Consider narrowing all this down to make it less confusing.
I like the baginning setting up how I think this is going to go…metaplay. I like how you build up the distance between fantasy and reality by contrasting he stereotyped actors with the frustrated audience.
The inclusion of the narrartor is funny and has a certain flow to it, as it breaks up the rhythm of the play (in a good way).
In the middle of the play too many characters jump in. You may want to tone down the absurd humor and give it more tme to build.
Just as I was getting into it it seems to end abruptly. Way too short.
You obviously have some creative ideas and some thoughts about theater itself, but yiou may want to develop it a bit further. As it stands, this feels very fast-paced and unfinished.
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