Aw. Why thank you. And nope, wasn’t intended for anything other than to remind me of a scarf that I lost many many years ago. But that’s brilliant that you feel it could be a childrens book!
Poetry / Oh scarf!
Oh silly scarf,
Why do you flutter there in the breeze,
Full of vigorous energy as,
You try to entangle my knees!
Oh silly scarf,
Why do you try to run from me,
When all I want is your warmth,
Silly scarf, can you not see?
Oh silly scarf,
Why does the cold hate us so?
It's biting chilling frost that hurts,
That silly wind that makes us slow.
Oh silly silly scarf,
I'm glad we're friends and lovers,
You're a funny one Mr Scarf,
Graciously given by my mother.
Oh silly scarf!
What an affair we have had,
How you cuddle and wind around my neck,
I'd be so mad if the wind took you, so sad.
Oh silly scarf!
Stop toying with my nose,
I'll sneeze and look silly,
In front of women with sexy pantyhose.
But then you run!
The wind has taken you!
No silly scarf, NO!
What will keep me warm now?
Goodbye silly scarf, you were ever my friend.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
inbloom reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
aww how sweet and vulnerable, but Damm that silly scarf!
- add/view comments (0)
Hoffmane21 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I think it is a fun little poem you have!
I could actually see you and the scarf having all kinds of fun, and I could see it flapping in the wind.
Very cute and energetic.
ListenerFriendly reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
“Silly” is a proper word to describe the innocent qualities of this piece. It is amusing… and dare I say, “Cute.” At first the lack of maturity in the piece turned me off, but then the whimsical language and the nicely utilized meter and rhyme, this feels like a nice piece of children’s literature. And I hope that is what you were going for. Yet this would be an excellent child’s book. In a crowded publishing genre, this really stands out and reminds me of classics I remember from my childhood. This is a nice piece, and with some romantic and inspiring illustrations, this could really come to life in print.
LC_Miller reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Hey Mr. Person,
You are far more talented then I. If anyone could bring a silly scarf to life, it would be you. I was having a crappy night, and this poem cheered me up. You are the master of personification. I can honestly say I might have to check the spelling on that. The line “You’re a funny one Mr. Scarf.” reminds me of the song “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch.” Possible Doctor Suess #2 in the works, of course now the song is stuck in my head :D.
megaloox reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This was definitely an amusing piece. I might’ve thought it came from some hallmark card or a children’s book.
If this was meant for that purpose, I’d say you’ve succeeded in creating a piece that is sure to put a few smiles on a few faces. However, in the realm of being “publishable” for an adult audience, I’d have to say that the tonality may be a bit too childish to be considered by most. The rhymes seem a bit forced, such as “friends and lovers” with “given by my mother” as well as “nose” and “pantyhose.” Cute, yes. But reaching an intellectually stimulated audience would be hard with this piece.
I do like how it feels almost like a song. I’d say, if you’ve been graced with musical talent, maybe try to turn this into a song. It might turn out better than one might suspect, because in the case of a song, they rhymes would no longer feel out of place; in fact, they would fit right in.
You use some pretty good descriptive language, I was able to get a good idea in my head about the actions and images, like “how you cuddle and wind around my neck” and “entangle my knees!” These descriptive lines give the poem motion and an energy of it’s own.
The ending is fitting, I think, a bit sad but that’s life I suppose. Looking at this metaphorically, I’d say you provided a good metaphor for life and the loss of friends or lovers. They come, they love us and we love them, and then one day, they’re gone, as if they’d never been there. We remember them with fondness and a sort of sweet nostalgia. I think you did well in portraying this.
Overall, it’s a nice, cuddly poem that I’d want to give to a lover on a sunny day to laugh and smile and cry about. Try to work on putting less force into your rhymes and I think it would be a very well written, polished piece.
Tesseratops reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Normally people write about things that they have deep, intellectual feelings about, I enjoy those poems, this poem, “silly” as it may be, has brightened me for the moment. I like how it brings everyone back to their childhoods simply reading it, remember having those feelings for such an object. Nicely done.
gemglitter reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Comments: This maid me smile! I love the idea of the scarf being a companion. Also you have some good images. Your first line “flutter in the breeze”add more like that.
Suggestions: You need to really commit to this poem. I don’t quite get what kind of companion the scarf is. But maybe explore that the scarf is a female to the Speaker’s male character. Describe the scarf feminine. Like lip stick, its curves hug the Speaker’s neck. Have fun with it like that.
martykate reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Has an overall silly, but warm feeling to it. You make it seem as if the relationship between the scarf and the owner is almost a personal one, instead of just a item of clothing.
“I’ll sneeze and look silly,
In front of women with sexy pantyhose.” There is a nice absurdity to this line that made me laugh.
I like the way when the scarf blows away the narrator acts as if a dear friend has been lost forever.
I don’t really care for poetry, but this had a warm-fuzzy feeling.
Showing 1 - 8 of 8
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
8 Reviews 17 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 5 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 88 Times
Skipped: 7 Times
Ratings & Rankings
