Novel Treatments / Kumori's Death
He flew into the air and on top of the skyscraper. He did not know why he was running if he knew his fate.
"Kumori stop, you have broken the Holy Law of the Shokkou. Face your execution honorably", a voice cryed out from behind. How could she be the one to kill him? This is a cruel twist of irony. His true love be the one to kill him.
I wonder, he thought to himself. If I hadn't tried to escape this fate by turning evil and twisting my values, would anything be different?What did it matter anymore? Why dwell on the past when he knew he was going to die anyways? It finally dawned on him. The reason he kept running was to reach the sight of his execution.
"You do not to worry, Shokkou of Light. I am just taking myself to a more suitable place for execution. You can grant that last request to your love, can't you", Kumori asked?
"Fine", she mumbled. They had finally reached the tower where he had executed all his most hated enemies before. This is where the end of the Shokkou will begin.
"Kill me now my darling", he said. "At the bottom of this crack is where I will die, and leave my kingdom forever. For I am a sinner, and deserve to be punished for my sins." He laid one last kiss upon her, and there she struck him when he finished, tears rolling down her eyes. Kumori began to fall down to the bottom of the build, lightning following his body down. Everything he had done as a Shokkou came back to him, and the memories finished, he hit the bottom. The sword kept him in place on the thick, melted slap of granite, then the lightning hit the sword, and sealed his body to that exact spot, forever more.
Without Kumori, the Shokkou will die. The Shokkou of Light went back to the Shokkou's Cave, weeping the whole way. She didn't even bother teleporting there, for what she had done to her love, had taken away all of the Shokkou's powers. At the moment of Kumori's death, the Shokkou ceased to exist, for all eternity.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
Specifics: (# = paragraph)
2:
execution honorably,” a voice cried
true love be the (add something here – true love to be – or something like that)
3:
he thought to himself – shouldn’t be in italics
different?What did it – missing space
4: ”, Kumori asked? – same thing as #2 – I won’t reference this again – I don’t want to waste too many of your credits. commas and other punctuation go inside the quotation marks.
Overall: I have a lot of questions. I think it’s because I’m not familar with this Jap writing like I am with other things. Are Shokkous something people will recognize? If not you need to weave that into the story – what are they? What’s the importance of their existance ceasing?
The form’s much better – it’s much easier to understand who’s talking. Does this go with the other episodes? Sometimes Urbis mixes the order of them. You might want to number them too – in addition to naming them so that I can read them in the proper order. :)
- add/view comments (0)
Showing 1 - 1 of 1
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
