Poetry / A Safe Place
What happened to us, where did it all go?
I have no feelings like before, now it’s all a show.
It’s not a real mystery. I’ve seen it before.
Been there, done that…same view from the door.
It looks bright and sunny outside and so dark within,
But I’m held back with a fear of beginning again.
It’s too hard to leave, but harder to stay
Make things better? Don’t know what I can say.
Now I’m ready to go, “rule the world“ I’m thinking;
But, I’ve found it’s tough already and I feel myself sinking.
I don’t know what has happened to the sun.
I’m cold and suffering inside; there is nowhere to run.
Uncertainty and fear shouldn’t be inside me,
But it has always been there, I just refused to see.
And now I’ve built up all this pain inside.
And I don’t have a safe place anymore where I can hide.
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The idea is clear and very much true. I understand it coompletely. However the poem does not make me feel it. If you could add a deeper explanation it may help. It does not flow as smoothly as it could either. “It’s not a real mystery” would sound better It is no mystery and i am not sure that “View from the door” should not be “of the door”. I would like to see this rewritten with shorter lines of the same meaning somehow that just seems to go with the idea.
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It’s short but seems to cover pretty much of what you feel. I like its conciseness. However, I think you could’ve chosen a better title for it, something more appropriate that could somehow already give an idea on what the poem is all about. The title you gave is a little misleading. It gives the idea that it’s a happy-warm kind of a poem, which is actually not the case.
I understand the emotions of this pieces since I am experiencing the same thing at the moment. Is good that your words explain your feelings but they are alittle sing song in how they come out. I want to hurt with you at every phrase so let me.
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