Haiku/Senryu / Untitled (right now)

Solid. While there’s no direct talk about nature, which haikus are traditionally supposed to have, words like warm and blossom certainly suggest natural elements. It appears to be mostly in present tense as well, which is another plus.

Some of the words do seem unnecessary. For example, I’d drop to the “and” and change it to “Warming, gentle care”. Otherwise, this is pretty good.

I’m crying. How do you critique something written about yourself? “Sigh

thank you :)

I like the allusion to a flower – makes me feel pretty :)

punctuation?

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May 12, 2009

by DallasS

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38	77.8% (18 votes)	11.0%

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13	M	United States	October 17

your welcome.. i would agree though- how do u critique something written about u. i have to take down all my M poetry because SOMEONE (morgan) convinced her to join urbis and she doesn’t know i write this stuff… read y other one before i take it down tomorrow.

May 12, 2009

by necessary824

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120	91.1% (45 votes)	56.3%

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32	F	Myrtle Beach, SC	October 20

k

May 12, 2009

by necessary824

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
120	91.1% (45 votes)	56.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
32	F	Myrtle Beach, SC	October 20

it’s not there – you can post poems/writings as anonymous so no one knows who wrote it, but you can still get feedback.

I do that with stuff.

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i like how you relate writing to flowers. I like “warm and gentle” it is just so… comforting. 5,7,5. Good work making it traditional. FANTABULOUS!

Good flow dallas. I like the the last line, It adds Flavor. But to me, it needs a little more. I cant put my finger on it, it’s just lacking something. I think you should change “warm” to something else. Sure she is warm, but there are about 1 million other adajatives that would better describe mrs.necesssary in this piece. try a word like Kind or Love, or even Pure. Doesn’t writing have two t’s? so I=change “writing” to “writting” nothing else to say!Great dallas!