Query Letter / memoir query letter v.2
In late 2007, my sister Mary’s kidneys failed, and I made the decision to give her one of mine. I did this, in short, because she’s my sister and I kind of like her, but I also did it because she bought me a music box that played “Talk to the Animals” when I was five years old because I wanted to be a veterinarian. Mostly, I did it because my nieces were barely in college and I wanted to spare them the pain of losing their mother. I know; I lost mine when I was seventeen.
Amy Silverstein and Steven “Cojo” Cojocaru gave voice to the transplant recipient’s experience. With humor, candor and vulnerability, (title) my 86,000 word memoir, details my living donor journey from the moment my father says “Well, you know, your sister’s kidneys aren’t very good” through a year of doubt, hope, fear, laughter and love.
Not every transplant is successful, and that not every living donor who endures months of medical evaluation and self-examination walks away with a green ribbon pin and a sense of accomplishment. We suffer physically and emotionally , and no one at the transplant centers or national transplant organizations offers us any support or guidance. No one admits that being a living donor without a happy, healthy recipient makes you a pariah.
I advocate now: through my website, www.livingdonor101.com, which strives to educate and support prospective and present living donors, as well as encourage improvements in transplant law, and through other online communities and mailing lists. I recently participated in a conference call for the Obama transition team for the Department of Health and Human Services, and was invited to apply for OPTN/UNOS’ Living Donor Council, which develops national policy on transplant-related issues. In addition, my experience and efforts will be detailed in the next edition of (x) College's alumni magazine.
{This project compliments your client list of……} I am glad to send you my completed 86,000 word manuscript for review, and discuss with you my ideas for supplemental articles and essays that can assist in the book’s marketing.
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I would not solicit this manuscript. You have an excellent opening line, an honest, heartfelt statement, but the balance of the first paragraph is all about you and not your book, and as an agent I’m looking for evidence of a writer who can maintain a reader’s interest for 80,000 words.
Your second paragraph is well placed and provides a snapshot of the content. I think you might want to add the title of Amy and Cojo’s book. I assume you are sending this out to agents who handle this sort of book.
”...is successful, and [that] not every living..” Typo?
“Not every transplant …... sense of accomplishment.” This sentence is a bit of a mouthful. A good point, and one I assume alludes to your experience, but I think you may want to recast.
“We suffer [both] physically and emotionally…” Insert bracketed.
”...offers [us] any support…” delete bracketed
Your fourth paragraph is too long. Bullet your accomplishments. Your closing is good but you have already stated the manuscript’s length.
In general, I don’t feel much energy or sense of urgency from your letter. Why are you different? What do you have to say that hasn’t already been said?
These things are sometimes harder to write than the damn book. Best of luck.
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Impressive. Your writer self sparkled and you know your stuff: well-researchedm seasoned, and involved. I would request the manuscript because I love the layers of drama (strained relationship with your sister, nieces, lost your own mother). You brought Dad into the story right away, too. Clearly-delivered mission, message, and purpose.
Your writing seems at once to show your human vulnerability and faltering, as well as your love and sacrifice. I hope that your attempts to gain more awareness for the kidney donors who are successful, as well as unsuccessful, are fruitful. I think the one thing you can do to strengthen this letter would be to make smoother transitions. For example, when you change from the personal account contained in the interesting introduction (first two) paragraphs, you suddenly begin speaking of donors of unsuccessful transplant operations. Was this the experience you went through? Maybe a more informative transition between your experience and your efforts for further action would be less confusing. Overall, your letter contains the important information, and, like your mission, is commendable.
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