Thanks Sandi, I appreciate that. When I was going through the process, I was incredibly surprised that no one had written about it yet, but I think living donors tend to be the sort that don’t really want to draw attention to themselves.
Query Letter / untitled Living Kidney Donor memoir query v.3
In late 2007, my sister Mary’s kidneys failed, and I made the decision to give her one of mine. I did this because relationships contain implicit responsibilities. I also did it because she bought me a music box when I was five years old that played “Talk to the Animals” because I wanted to be a veterinarian. And finally, I did it because my nieces were barely in college and I wanted to spare them the pain of losing their mother, an experience I am well acquainted with because mine died when I was seventeen.
I learned that not every transplant is successful. Not every living donor who endures months of medical evaluation and self-examination walks away with a green ribbon pin and a sense of accomplishment. We suffer physically and emotionally, and no one at the transplant centers or national transplant organizations offer us any support or guidance. No one admits that being a living donor without a happy, healthy recipient makes you a pariah.
Elizabeth McCracken and Joan Didion have turned their grief and struggles into literary and commercial successes. Amy Silverstein and Steven “Cojo” Cojocaru have revealed the transplant recipient’s story, and myriad memoirists have fought against cancer, but no one ever has ever detailed the months of doubt, hope, fear, laughter, confusion and love that motivates and accompanies the living donor journey. No one has ever talked candidly about the recovery and depression plaguing so many of us, and how we’re forced to struggle through it alone.
I advocate now: through my website, www.urldedacted.com, which strives to educate and support prospective and present living donors, as well as encourage improvements in transplant law, and through other online communities and mailing lists. I recently participated in a conference call for the Obama transition team for the Department of Health and Human Services, and was invited to apply for OPTN/UNOS’ Living Donor Council, which develops national policy on transplant-related issues. In addition, my experience and efforts will be detailed in the next edition of (X) College's alumni magazine.
{This project compliments your client list of……} I am glad to send you my completed 86,000 word manuscript for review, and discuss with you my ideas for supplemental articles and essays that can assist in the book’s marketing.
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dar205 reviewed Version 1 -
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Mayhaps I am reviewing on the wrong criteria, but to me, this doesn’t really have any “oomph.” You do manage to present the human side of the story (why we care), the conflict & why the agent might care (other examples of success).
You provide what is needed (technically) but since it doesn’t grab my interest, I wouldn’t request the document. I would be worried that it is as dry as the letter.
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ChuckReina reviewed Version 1 -
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The strengths of a project like this are the emotional weight that they carry. That is why books like this can see and is why publishers are often interested in them.
The problem I found with your query letter is that you seem to side step the emotion involved with the piece. Your opening sentince is stiff and doesnt communicate any real emotion. You say that you wanted to do this because of this which is because of this. Vague. Instead of saying that your sister gave you this music box, say how you felt when you received it. How she was considerate of you when you were young and now you wanted to be considerate and helpful for her.
The idea has potential and may very well be a good story, but this cover letter was hard to read through. No matter how good the final project, no publisher will believe that there is any depth if all they are judging by is this letter.
Spriglief reviewed Version 1 -
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I would drop the word “because” and instead make complete sentences. Example: “I was seventeen when my mother died.” Using the word “because” adds a juvenal tone to your plea, though I know that is not your entent. A bare bones sentence has a stronger impact then a complex sentence.
The last sentence in the second parragraph does not give enough information to let me know what you mean. Are you saying that some donors give organs to old and sickly reciepients for the monetary reward? It leaves room for interpitation and I don’t think that is your intent. If you are implying that some recipients, because of political pull jump the donor line,receive organs ahead of more worthy and younger recipiants then say it. I don’t know what that sentence means as is.
I think this is too generic: “doubt, hope, fear, laughter, confusion and love.” Instead, say exactly what it is that makes being a donor interesting to readers and maybe give an example.
Hope I have been helpful.
axiom49 reviewed Version 1 -
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Okay so your big questions are
A. Would we request the manuscript
B. Why or why not
Alright, I’ll bite. I’m not a literary agent, but as a writer and a potential consumer of your work, I will give you my honest opinion.
A book of this topic could do very well, if written well, and marketed properly. Based on what you have stated in the query letter you are willing to give a first person perspective for what emotional and physical rigors are needed to be an organ donor. It could be an uplifting and motivating story.
So to answer your big questions
A. I would, I’m interested in seeing how this book/manuscript actually reads. The premise is good, no doubt about that, and people love redemption stories, especially real life ones.
B. I am curious what actual emotional strains this put on you as a person, and on your relationship with your sister. We can read about the physical aspects, the tests, and training that you may go through elsewhere, but we want to hear your story of how this affected you.
All this being stated, I would be careful about how much gravitas you give yourself in dropping names… yes from what I hear it’s good to say what’s on the market, how yours is different, and draw links between the subject matter, but I’m not sure if the whole conference call bit is in your favor, I’m sure other Urbis members will weigh in, and you can take the group consensus. I’m curious how it reads, and if you want to send bits of your manuscript my way, I’d love to take a look.
Best of luck to you.
paigemc reviewed Version 1 -
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I wouldn’t ask for chapters based on this letter. While it is clear that you are determined, sensitive and intelligent, this letter gave me absolutely no clue what the manuscript was about. You talked six ways into a circle, but you didn’t tell me what you were writing about. I would need to know that. You addressed everything as a “third person” voice, when the memoir should be about YOU and what you experienced.
qsmom reviewed Version 1 -
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I have to admit I am no expert, just an individual who dabbles. I read this and was very intreged to find out the lack of support for the donor, and would find it very interesting to read more from the donors point of view.
I enjoyed reading the begining that stated the reasons for being a donor.
I think this would be a great resource for anyone involved or thinking of becoming involved in a transplant.
Good luck.
TerJa reviewed Version 1 -
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I read one of the earlier versions and this is much tighter and smoother.
Two minor word use suggestions -
In the second sentence I’d put “some” between “because” and “relationships.”
In the last sentence I’d use some word other than “can.” (“may” would be my first choice, “will” my second.)
The letter is good enough that, were I an agent, I would request to see the full treatment. You show that you are well versed in a subject which has had little exposure, perhaps even an acknowledged expert on the material. You also show a command of the language.
I’d say the only thing against it is that same subject matter. Is it too esoteric to sell? (And I don’t think that really would be an issue.)
All in all, this is about as good as it will get, and it is good.
oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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I would request to know more. I think this piece is important because it allows the reader to explore the mind of a kidney donor. Mnay might find it shocking that the doctors and the kidney foundation are not as supportive as they should be. After all, Giving one a kidney is a “big deal”. What if the healthy kidney happens to fail in the donor? I am sure giving life to another is a rewarding yet scary process. Even healthy kidneys reject in the recipient. As you said in your prolouge, no one writes many articles on the act of kidney donation, and explains how the donor feels about the sacrifice he or she is making. I applaud you for bringing this important health issue to the forefront. I think your introduction was solid and interesting. You did a good job introducing what your book will focus on. I think it will interest publishers. Good luck, Sandi
Matthewtuckey reviewed Version 1 -
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“We suffer physically and emotionally”- I think everyone going through a transplant will suffer, so you are totally right there.
“no one at the transplant centers or national transplant organizations offer us any support or guidance”- are you referring to your own personal experience, or everyone facing this challenge? It could be that different hospitals are better at being considerate to service users and patients. What I’m saying is that the first half of your sentence referred to your experience, but would also apply to everyone else facing the same challenge. The second half depends on the staff that help you, and that depends on which hospital you go to.
Your knowledge on the subject seems strong.
The first thing they’ll do is check your webpage before they even think of contacting you- which my server couldn’t find.
All the best.
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