Different stories my friend. Theres a modern and a fantasy version of Wink now. I’m trying to see which universe Wink fits better into.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Wink (Fantasy as opposed to modern)
A knock sounded at the door to her workshop, without opening the heavy wooden slab, she already knew who it would be. It entirely escaped her understanding as to why he didn’t pass through the wall like any of the other members of his group would have. Wink had always been reluctant to admit his nigh god-hood status; he walked when he could cover vast distances in fractions of a second, he knocked when he could already see everything in a room, and could walk straight through the door to that room as well, he paid for items when he could make them appear on a whim, and he chose to talk when he could just as easily have planted his thoughts inside any humans head. Yes, Wink was one thing in the world that she struggled to understand. She couldn’t read him, she couldn’t tell the depths of his power because he never used it, and she most definitely could not explain why her typically steady hands trembled so violently when he arrived.
Kia brushed a lock of her rust blonde hair behind her ear, a twinkle in her cloud gray eyes, she turned to the door.
“Come in.” she refused to give him the pleasure of opening the door herself.
“It appears to be locked.” She almost giggled to herself; he hadn’t even needed to try the handle to see it. She was fascinated by his kind.
“I’m sure you’ve ways to navigate that problem don’t you?”
“Kia, you know I hate doing that.”
“But I love seeing it, now are you going to stand out there in the rain all day or come in?”
Wink materialized through the door, he wasn’t exceptionally handsome compared to most of his kind. The others sported looks so beautiful that people found it hard to make eye contact, their faces seemed constantly encased in a brilliant light too bright to look at. Wink’s face made Kia want to look after him; he seemed to have that effect on most people. Everyone wanted to help him. It was irony, she thought to herself, he could carelessly destroy an entire city, and people wanted to help him. As if he needed it. His features always looked compassionate, as if he held some deep and true understanding of what everyone else around him was going through. The odd thing was, is that he could have. Each of the God-Touched children had different magnitudes of power. The difference between Wink and the rest of his “family” was that Wink seemed to resent his power. It was almost as if he thought he wasn’t human enough, he seemed locked in an eternal battle with the universe to prove his mortality.
He entered the room, completely dry despite the rain outside, as if he was too perfect to be marred by such mortal effects like wetness. She found herself staring at his face, wanting to ask if he needed a towel or some help getting out of his soaking wet clothes. She looked down at the perfectly creaseless black coat he wore, as dry as a desert. Damn she found herself thinking.
“Hiya” he said cheerfully. He was always smiling. Kia had been through some extremely tough times in her life and had only just managed to hold on to her sanity. She knew Wink had been through worse, and she found herself at a loss as to explain how he kept such a cheerful outlook on life.
“Hello Wink.” He visibly winced. The God-touched children’s power came directly from people’s belief in their existence and invocations of their name. Each child could feel every time someone uttered their name or made a prayer regarding their existence. Kia felt that try as he might, Wink’s name was quite possibly the most frequently mentioned, and the most thought about. She was also felt that he hated it.
“Please don’t do that.” he rubbed his head, she was sure he was trying to subside the torrents of emotions from the populace that constantly surrounded his mind.
“You know, one day you will have to adjust to it.” She carefully placed a hot tray of bread in front of him as he sat at her workshop bench. “That or you can stop helping people.”
“Bread?” He questioned, with a slightly comical look in his eye, making a point of avoiding her statement.
“Hey, you’re the one that wants to pretend to be human, so eat.” She handed him a slice of the bread, the melted butter slightly dripping from the center. It vanished before it hit the table, he was always so tidy in her Workshop, and he refused to let one thing slip out of place. She knew that he knew her too well; he knew that perfection was something she strived for in her workshop alone if not anything else in her life. She had seen his abode, it was the opposite of the word tidy, and there was clutter everywhere, mostly consisting of books on other worlds, documents of the kingdom, notes and historical references, documents on higher ranking individuals and other such important knick knacks. There were also a lot of contraband items that the King would never have let him keep if he knew of their existence, items that shouldn’t have existed, and things that Wink created on a whim.
She watched with amusement as Wink took a bite of the bread, and struggled to look like a human eating. Due to lack of practice, she presumed, he failed horribly and appeared closer to the look one usually takes after having been stung by a bee.
“One day I’ll understand why you take so much amusement in this.” He said, swallowing the bite with great difficulty.
“Who said I take amusement in it?”
Wink knowingly tapped his head and looked at her with a scolding parent scowl. Kia ignored it.
“You’re visit was unexpected today.” She said calmly, taking a bite of the bread herself.
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oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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who it would be. I would take out passive voice and say. “Was”
Wink had always. Wink was always reluctant… I would take out “had”
Wink has many God like characteristics. When you say touched, you mean he is special because he is a mixture of both humnan and godlike properties, right? You could expound more on him and the others like him.
He entered the room, completely dry despite the rain outside, as if he was too perfect to be marred by such mortal effects like wetness
Wasn’t Wink trying to act mortal? it seems that Wink tries to be imperfect to me. This might be a bit of a contradiction. Anyone acting human would know it was natural to get wet. “Wink acts as if he is to perfect to get wet.” Wasn’t he acting mortal by not blowing up cities. “He never uses his power,” you say. So why is he not wet. A regular person would get wet. This is a little thing but i know you want consistencey in your character.
“She was also felt that he hated it” Could you look at this please. it needs
fixed.
Wink is very interesting and very refreshing. He represnts a character who isn’t satisfied with the lot he has been given, and this is a very human sentiment. I think Tia and Wink work well together. She gives him advice and keeps him real. One thing,i would try to keep Wink’s character consistent. It would be hard i am sure but i believe you are up to it. Keep me posted. Sandi
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FrakKevin reviewed Version 1 -
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Kia is the girl who tried to rob him right?
I really like this story, it’s funny, creative, but I’m not sure what’s it about…basically just Winks life right?
I like how they receive their powers. I dont they should be called God touched. They way you describe the way they get their powers made me picture kids sitting around imagining these unique characters. Even though this is a kiddie story, their name should be something more childlike…if you get what I mean. Your characters come as the most adorable people in the world…unlike most scifi stories on Urbis…this one isnt that dark and brooding.
slbynum3 reviewed Version 1 -
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You wanted to know if this is okay, and well, that’s all it is. Okay. Sure, the interaction between Kia and Wink is strong, and the God-Touched concept is good, but I was slightly disappointed. I was ready to read another chapter about the humorous Wink I loved in the other excerpts. It’s good that you have more imagery here, but it’s not entertaining like the other. There’s not anything really exceptional about this that drew me in. I think there was too much backstory. Just my opinion.
I suggest you keep the original idea. Readers will fall in love with that one more.
necessary824 reviewed Version 1 -
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I’d like to see more of his sarcastic and intensely intelligent self emerge. I know this isn’t done yet – but I think you could integrate this earlier.
I am left with a lot of questions – who is she? How is she in contact with him? The rest of his “family”? What God touched him? Will those Gods be made up/fantasy too?
Great details with presenting how it affects him – down to the lack of wetness, etc. I’m curious why he resents it. True he wants to be human – but why? He has the ability to basically “fool” the people around him. What would happen if they stopped invoking his name? Would he literally disappear? Would he turn human?
What items that shouldn’t have existed? King? Can he leave the world he has to live in? Does he have to stay under the king’s rule? What role does she play? how did they meet?
The setting is better – It’s such a new concept – that the other setting was distracting – made it even more to take in. This allows me to really process what’s going on. I like it better – I’d just like to see more of wink come out. I miss Wink.
Autie reviewed Version 1 -
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Okay first I will elaborate on why I considered the character somewhat not believable. He wants to be human, or at least act like one (Wink) even so he kept his clothes dry and it didn’t seem to bother him at all that he couldn’t get them went (assuming this is part of his powers). He’s described as hating his powers with some passion, but in his room he has artifacts he’s created on a whim. These are very contradicting.
So all the explanation on his motives towards his powers was pretty much wasted, because at the end I saw a young powerful man with the will to control himself and tread carefully with his power but who would go behind closed doors and mischievously create “items that should have never existed”. So I’m left thinking that he’s not really what he’s been described as.
Overall I like the angle you are trying to go with. I have not read any on the other things about this character so its all very new to me. Kia is also very much the same (and i mean description). On the one hand she can;t understand why he does things and it makes her uneasy but on the other hand she’s all noticing his beauty. It sets the stage for something to happen between them, this seems to be the aim, but it’s in my opinion too obvious, but I like to see characters live their own life be their own beings and slowly collide. So it might just be a personal preference.
This piece drew me in because of the nature of Wink, the fact that he is powerful and still treads carefully, he seems like the samurai type of man. And it is how I imagined the whole story in Japan, in anime format.
Dous reviewed Version 1 -
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I haven’t read any of the previous Wink chapters, but i think that i just might do so now
How they gain power is a good touch, one with more than only a few different options for later on i think
overall it does look like a story that i would like to read in it’s entirety
CSNS reviewed Version 1 -
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I think we get a good glimpse at Kia’s personality and a little bit at Wink’s. We do not get as close to Wink because of course you narrate under Kia’s voice but still, I felt myself like both characters. ALso, I have reviewed before so I do remember Wink and this is a very different light on his personality totally. Not as smart-ass, sarcastic…
I like the whole power thing and I like the God-Touched thing too. Their interaction is pretty good and they seem to act as good friends that are comfortable with each other by now.
I am not sure whether I would put that at the beginning of a story. It is good but a little slow to my taste for a beginning. Hope this helps, let me know if you would like more details.
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