Poetry / disorder,disorder (Analysis)
disorder,disorder is here, you no longer think clear. what to do, where to go? you dont understad it but you say "so." disorder,disorder can make you feel insane like a simple needle to a vain. you say disorder,disorder is the only order that controls me, disorder,disorder is all i ever see. you take a deep breath and you try to realize altough you once again begin to fanizie. so now your drowding in impure thoughts it feels as if your starting to rot. you want to go back you truely do although it just dosnt feel the same oh how much its name you rue. now it all clicks the words not even one hit. now you know why people struggle so much to quit, you smell yourself and you reek worst than shit. you think to yourself this was ment to be fun but now your adicted to this thing and it only makes you feel numb, well at least for a little bit and then it makes you run. it makes you steal, it makes you kill, it makes you terrified because you no longer know what is real. well at least now you can barely feel.. your whole life is ruined you will never have a wife because of this feirce bruin.and this horrible tragidy only begun because you said yes and you wanted to try somthing more fun. i mean who cares, reality only makes you border! so now your whole life is chaseing disorder,disorder.
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The main critique I will offer is the structure of your piece. The way you have it written it is all mashed together and your poetic thesis is lost in the extensive lines. If you break up the poem into stanza’s or place the words every where on a page it would allow the reader to engage this poem and the topic. I know its hard to make things perfect on URBIS because everything has to be in a top to bottom form, but your topic could allow you the artistic freedom to go “crazy” with where you place the words. It would in my opinon help you to give a greater sense of “disorder” to the piece. The poem itself seems to be put together well but I will wait and see if you change if up before looking deeper into that facet of it.
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You say this is a poem, but it’s just a long length of prose.
You have some good content, so how about breaking up those endless sentences and constructing some sort of form out of it.
That will break up the monotony for the reader and allow them to appreciate the power of your words. You can make the repetition really work for you and truly emphasise the reality of the cycle of drugs.
I think this has a lot of potential. I want you to unlock it and create something truly fabulous!!
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