Quotes / Truth Be Told

I think that the rhyming makes it seem kiddish, I would try to omit that and add something that is more profound and abruptly changes the flow. It needs some punch at the end to make the reader readjust and focus on the intention.
Gavinswar

Catchy. Perhaps showing how you have gone so far and to stop now would be ridiculous? We all need to jump though hoops to some extent in order to survive.  

Hm, the rhyming didn’t add anything for me, that cliche rhyme sort of bugged me. But it speaks the truth how using cheap little tricks only gets you so far.8/10

I like it. It is simple, yet has a very good point. You don’t try to over speak the quote.

hi there,

your right, and alot of people can relate to this jumping through hoops to get ahead..or for anything actually….maybe ” by jumping through hoops to get ahead,you’ll just end up dead” might work better..just thought i’d throw that out there….but nice one either way…jim

Reminds me of something you would hear children jump roping to as a little chant. I thought it was cute… just wasn’t what I would call one of the best quotes I ever read. There isn’t really anything you can do… I mean you wrote it the best you could I don’t see anything you can do to fix it just one of those things where people either like it or they don’t I don’t like it.

I like the ryhme scheme and I think it has truth that if you ever stop everything will come to an end.