I don’t know what age those children are. Young?
Flash Fiction / 1984 or 2020
"And now children we will play a new game. You will tell me how you want our school to look in the year 2020. Yes, Alex."
"Teacher, why 2020?"
"Alex don't ask silly questions. Sit down. 2020 because it's like the best vision 20:20."
"And what is 20:20?"
"The best vision, I've told you. And Steve, where is your raised hand when you ask the question?"
"But the teacher!"
"No buts! Be quiet!. So where were we?"
"On the butts, teacher?"
"Ah Yes, That is NO!. What do you say Mary? It's a forbidden word. Don't use it."
"But the teacher..."
"Be silent! Buts is for me only. Very well, then. Let's continue. So, how do you want our class to look in the year 2020?"
"The teacher! The teacher!"
"Yes, Peter, tell us."
"The teacher, I need to pee."
"Can't you wait? We are in the middle of such an interesting discussion."
"The teacher, the pee is escaping. And what is this 'discussion'?"
"Go to the toilet and be back quickly. Children, the Discussion is when I ask and you answer."
"And if I ask and you answer?"
"This will be just silly questions, Michaela. I know you. So, let us continue."
"The teacher, can we dance?"
"Why dance Mary? Do you think that we'll all dance in the year 2020?"
"No, teacher, I want to dance now."
"But we are discussing the year 2020."
"But I want to dance!"
"And I want to play dolls."
"And I want to snipe. My father gave me a pistol for my birthday. He snipes a lot for his work - he's a killer."
"Well children. Do whatever you want. We'll discuss tomorrow the year 2020."
And the teacher went to the principal to tell him that her class is too young for such difficult tasks. She'll let them be children for some years more. May be in 2020 they'll grow up.
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Tigra reviewed Version 1 -
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And Steve, where is your raised hand when you ask the question?”—-a instead of the.
But the teacher—-take out “the”
This is a cute look at children and how they behave. Nicely done
Tigra
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RhysTimson reviewed Version 1 -
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I found this odd since flash fiction doesn’t really contain much by way of dialogue – and this is ALL dialogue. Perhaps it’s more of a sketch. Clearly the key line is ””And I want to snipe. My father gave me a pistol for my birthday. He snipes a lot for his work – he’s a killer.” – but to be honest I don’t really know what this is supposed to mean. Consequently the pay-off needed at the end of a piece of flash fiction, that hit that all the best examples of the genre have, is missing. I’d work on the ending – make it punchier. Ask yourself what this story is trying to say?
oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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Hhahahahahaaha. What is this? You are not kidding about class discussions. I sub teach from time to time for second grade and this is exactly how they do. They either want to pee or sharpen their pencils down to the nubbin. This made me laugh. I enjoyed the snip hunting bit in the end and the realization that the subject is too difficult for this age group. By the way, could you tell the reader what ages these children are? Very clever. Nice picture. Sandi
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