Poetry / lens distortion (Analysis)

This is pretty good.  I appreciate the notion that a photographer can see more out of his or her subjects than someone can see themselves – this is probably true.  The poem also sounds as though the poet knows the subject of the poem; is this the intention?

That said, there is nothing here that really ‘pops’ to me or is exceptionally clever.  Just consistently good.

You started off very well. There’s a story within this poem that seems to potray maybe someone who sees everything is the world as beautiful except one’s self. You’ve drawn the reader in but then the poem just cuts off and leaves you hanging. Try reading it a couple times and see if there’s anyting you can add to the story. Keep up the good work.

bri

I like the idea of taking someone’s “pictures” as memories and interpreting them in a new way.  At least that’s what I thought you were trying to say with the line, “Shows me so much more than what you’ve seen.”  Actually, if I were to change anything, I’d go into further detail with that line.  

And just as a side note: I would have never guess this was written about a man.  I thought the narrator was male and the subject was female.  

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June 20, 2009

by goofygoober168

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I have contemplated going more in depth on this piece…just haven’t decided how yet. ;)

And yes, I get that a lot—in fact, if I put any of my writing through that ‘gender genie’ thing, I always come out male :) haha.

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So I like your use of repetition and how well the words flow together in the first and second stanzas.  Really my only problem is with the final stanza.  It just doesn’t seem to fit.  It’s choppy and doesn’t have any closure with it.  I suggest taking out the “because you can’t see yourself as i do.”  You never provide a reason in any other part of the poem so it set off the pattern that you have made and makes the reading jagged.  I think that if you could fix up the last stanza then you’d have a pretty decent poem here.