Poetry / Stronger by my Side

What if I am missing a soft place?
Where is a shoulder to lay my head?
When I am weak who holds my hand in my valley?
Will you stand next me?
I ask not for protection; only
companionship during the winter.
Will you share your warmth?
To stand in your shade during summer when
I feel the heat melt my soul.

Or will you turn your head as not to feel my pain.
You can pretend you don't notice,
but I know better.
I see you wince at the sound of my voice.
I know it's joy is faded.
The cover has been blown away.
You must have seen it was tattered before the storm.

Will you just be
with me in my emptiness,
loneliness, pain?
Hold me while we just sit.
I will feel better soon. I hope to catch up then.

For now I need to rest, I need to gather strength,
I'll be here in this ugly place.
I wish you would stay ,
you make it much more beautiful here. Rest with me a while? Hold my hand?
Maybe just slow down a little, So I might see you up ahead.

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Reviews

October 08, 2009

Cyna

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
25	53.3% (15 votes)	8.5%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
26	F	Chatsworth, GA	November 21

Cyna reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Very emotional peice, very oppressed by the feeling of being alone.

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October 03, 2009

GreenIguana

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
498	79.2% (236 votes)	17.4%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
45	F	NY, NY	November 23

GreenIguana reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I find this poem intriguing although somewhat mysterious. I wondered if it might be about a woman whose longtime husband has had an affair, and she is hoping he will stay and comfort her even though he is no longer in love with her. The images are quite interesting. Suggestions for revision:
“my hand in my valley” what could that possibly mean? Maybe you meant “my hand in THE valley”?
“it’s” should be “its.”

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
60	66.7% (21 votes)	13.9%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
37	F	Biggs, CA	November 18

June 26, 2009

ekmoore

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
7	100.0% (4 votes)	20.0%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
19	F	Charlotte, NC	June 30

ekmoore reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I liked your repeated use of questions, especially at the beginning of the poem. It added a level of tension, for me, and added to the emotional punch of the rest of the poem.

You describe, in this poem, a situation that I think a lot of people identify with, at least on some level.

I feel that you’ve succeeded in creating, in four stanzas, an image more beautiful and universal than any one individual’s heartache, but without sacrificing the beautiful little specific details in the poem.

it’s lovely.

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June 25, 2009

PoeticMisconceptions

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
20	75.0% (16 votes)	49.6%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
16	F	Crosby, TX	August 12

PoeticMisconceptions reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I agree with you. It is basic. I understood every word you said, the first time around. But it has a certain charm. I like it…. Expecially the end.

If you still fear it is to basic though, you could always put in more deliberate sentence structure, add some rhyme schemes, put in more figurative language.

If you do this, be sure not to lose that charm. It made my heart ache, at the end.

;)