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Screenplay / The Little Things (Analysis)
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The Little Things
A short Film
First Draft
30/05/09
Cameron J. King
FADE IN
INT. BOY’S BEDROOM -- DAY
A young boy, short brown hair and brown eyes, around ten years old, wearing a knitted jumper, stares into the camera, we hear the voice of a man. The room around him has posters of The A Team and Knight Rider.
MAN (V.O.)
They say it’s not the big but the small
things that stay in your head.
INT. BUSY OFFICE -- DAY
A dark haired man, the father, in his late thirties works franticly at his desk, the phone pressed to his ear as his hands staple sheet after sheet of paper.
MAN (V.O.)
Not memos or emails or messages.
INT. BOY’S BEDROOM -- DAY
The boy now plays with his toy figurines, they are a 1950’s family complete with their own 1950’s doll house, the boy throws them down the stairs and smashes the woman into the walls, then pauses as he strokes the male figurines face, his face thoughtful.
EXT. BUSY STREET -- DAY
The father walks down a packed street, he looks at his watch as he struggles for space to walk.
MAN (V.O.)
My son will always need his father and
his father will always need his son.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- DAY
School children run to meet their parents after a day at school, a large clock face reads 3:30 the boy stands static in the centre, looking around and disappointed.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- DAY
The School yard is empty, the clock face reads 4:00. The Father arrives, out of breathe he looks around, then punches his knee with anger.
MAN (V.0.)
I can’t say I never tried because
I do all the time.
The father walks toward the school entrance.
INT. SCHOOL ART ROOM -- DAY
The boy sits at a “young persons” easel, drawing a picture of a stick man and a stick boy holding hands.
He looks at his Batman watch, the time is 4pm. He looks round the easel to find his mother standing there, she is impatient, her phone to her ear.
MAN (V.O.)
Mothers are always caring, like a
natural instinct.
INT. SCHOOL ART ROOM -- DAY
The father enters the room, the drawing gone, along with his son, he looks at his watch, the clock reads 4:15pm.
MAN (V.O.)
But Father’s have that instinct too.
INT. BOYS HOUSE -- NIGHT
The boys mother is shouting in his father’s face, the boy sits on the stairs watching his mother bawl as he looks eye contact with his father. The mother slams the glass door closed, the father still visible maintains contact as the storming mother lifts her son up the stairs and out of sight.
MAN (V.O.)
A boy shouldn’t have to see his parents
argue, but he deserves to see his parents.
INT. OFFICE -- DAY
The father is tirelessly working, stapling papers and the phone to his ear once more, piles of work build up. He looks at a photo of his son.
MAN (V.O.)
It’s that smile that gets me threw
anything.
INT. BOYS BEDROOM -- NIGHT
His mother tightens the duvet with her phone still pressed to her ear, she walks out and turns of the light. The boy stares at the stick man picture on his ceiling.
INT. OFFICE -- NIGHT
The stacks have become mountains, and the only light in the room is that of the father’s office lamp, his hair on end he looks back at the picture of his son.
MAN (V.O.)
It’s my son’s smile that gets me threw
everything.
EXT. BOY’S HOUSE -- DAY
The boy is stood outside, the school bus pulls up, he gets on.
INT. SCHOOL ART ROOM -- DAY
The boy is drawing another of the same stick picture, he looks at his watch, 4pm, with a disappointed look he looks round the easel but now his father stands there, smiling. The boy’s face lights up as he jumps to embrace his father. They spin each other round.
MAN (V.O.)
It’s that moment that made me the man
I am.
INT. LOUNGE -- DAY
Now a new, 30 year old fair haired man sits looking into the camera.
MAN
It’s his examples that made me the father
I am now.
A young boy runs down the stairs, the man gets up and picks up his son opening the door he looks into the camera once more.
MAN
The little things that always stay
in your head.
With a smile he walks out the door into the blinding summers light, we pull back to see an Easel by the side, a now professional painting of a man and his son holding hands. The door closes, we cut to black.
THE END
FADE OUT
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This is a pretty heart warming little piece. There was one thing I caught, when the mother and father are arguing it says “The boys mother is shouting in his father’s face, the boy sits on the stairs watching his mother bawl as he looks eye contact with his father.” I think you meant to say “makes eye contact.” Other than that it looks like you’ve got it coming along pretty well.
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I liked the concept of your screenplay overall, but I did find your VOs a bit cumbersome. It can definitely be improved and refined. For example, ‘his father will always need his son.’ Saying ‘And I will always need my son’ makes the meaning much more clear and precise. The part where you say ‘mothers are caring’ is also awkward. Makes it read like a simile, but it’s not. ‘They seem to have a natural instinct’ is better.
Overall it was easy to follow what was going on in your screenplay and the visuals came across nicely. I loved the ending. Just one gripe – why would the boy’s picture be on the ceiling? Who put it there? Why not just next to his bed?
Lastly, I’m a trained copywriter, so spelling and grammatical errors jump out at me. I can’t help it, but it detracts from what I’m reading. There are many in your screenplay – most notably ‘threw’ should be ‘through’ and ‘the boy is stood outside’ should be ‘stands’. You have apostrophe and other other minor spelling mistakes but I won’t point them out here to eat up your credits. I’ll send them as a message.
Run ons: “camera, we hear”, “figurines, they are”, “house, the boy” (2 in one sentence)- I won’t list them all but it’s important that sentences don’t run on- even in script format. There are also numerous other grammar errors just on the first page- “threw” instead of “through” is another.
When the mother is shouting in the father’s face, can we hear their dialogue? Or is the volume in the scene turned down? If it is, say so. If it’s not, write out the dialogue. Put is in the cinema watching it- what do we see and hear?
Good use of toys though- this is visual- good for the screen- and original.
Did the kid’s mum put his picture on the ceiling? What are the stick men doing in this picture? how is it relevant? it has all got to push the story forward in some way.
“spin each other round”- how exactly? I’d expect the dad to weigh three times as much as the kid, so I suppose he’d do most of the spinning. And do we mean holding hands? Or is he holding his son round the body? Don’t go into excess detail but don’t leave us guessing either.
After you say “new 30 year old”- it gets confusing. “New” isn’t the best word (especially if he’s been around thirty years… you get the point). Also if this is not the “MAN” you describe at the beginning of the story you should change his name to “MAN 2”. It also isn’t clear as to whether the man in the second scene is the grown-up version of the boy in the first scene. I’m guessing it is.
“His example”? The guy was late to pick his son up (presumably more than once), so I don’t think the example he set was very good.
There’s a story in here somewhere but it needs rethinking. You also need to tighten grammar.
This nice short does exactly what it needs to, it gets the point across concisely and does it well.
One grammatical issue:
“The boys mother is shouting in his father’s face, the boy sits on the stairs watching his mother bawl as he looks eye contact with his father.”
Perhaps this should read :
“The boy’s mother is shouting in his father’s face. The boy is sitting on the stairs witnessing his mothers bawl whilst keeping eye contact with his father”
I really like the well painted version at the end. The device of using the drawing to symbolise the relationships is a good one. One idea i might have as to how to improve is to maybe have the boy have it, rather than on the ceiling, under his pillow. And perhaps he could pull it out to look at it, this way it seems closer to his dreams. However the deivce of having it out of his reach on the ceiling puts the point across just aswell.
All in all, well written, perhaps just a few instances of re-wroding needed in the descriptions, try reading all the sentences starting from the end and ending at the start, i find that helps fix grammatical issues and also gives you a sense of perspective.
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