Humor/Satire / Subliminal mind transfusion (Analysis)

Surreal conclave ironies tiptoeing through an expanding, yet dying universe taught me how to survive in police-state Amerika; that is to say, I am fleeing the country. Get out before, oh wait too...obvious.

Post-revolutionary Russia did not allow her Property(citizens) to move out of the country for many reasons. Most of all because they would go share horror stories of how the farm that has been in the family for generations suddenly got collectivized brutally for the "good of the people." Whose people? The right to travel should be important to us but you need a goofy chip-implanted passport to be tracked with in order to travel now. Benjamin Franklin's words ring more true today than in his time.

Canada is beautful in the summertime I heard from a tapdancing, pregnant walrus. That walrus began the Great Immigration to Freedom six years ago, tunneling all the way from the South Pole through countless barfights and poucher battles, through a complascent America (picking up several walrus gigalos searching for a better life for their children and future ex-bankers), through the underground networks of former slaves escaping oppression, and under piles of bad and not-so-good police and their various methods of what they consider control. Illusions of control and delusions of mediocrity guide their simple minds to robotically instill Fear in the undereducated. Where I live the fuzz has replaced that pesky phrase "To serve and protect" with beat-you-in-the-face-lettering, just another one of the many great things pointing to a slow fascist takeover of our civil liberties.

Mother? It's dark in here I cannot see. Hold out your hand to me so that I might be guided away from the mutany and excessive violence that has become everyday life. Mother? Why was I born into blindness? Why did I have to taste injustice until the point of submisssion? Mother-when is the next flight to anywhere not here?

Miss Fortune smiles a bright, blinding ray upon us in our darkest days. Modern-day Amerika is no longer a beacon of trancendent light blazing the path of justice and freedom. She is the empirical omniforce we rebelled against in our Revolution.

So what do we do now? I am not an ultrareligious person. I gather the best parts of each religion and apply them to my life to form an odd mesh of ideas from some of the world's greatest thinkers. The Bible says to flee Babylon and not get drawn into the endless cycle of "sin" and judgement and decay. Moral decay is the fabric of our society it seems. Do not fight a battle you cannot win. Even if the whole citizen population arose to revolt there art least 500 concentration camps spread across the land specifically to house political dissenents when the occasion arrises

(more to come )

 

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TerJa avatar General Stranger

June 28, 2009

TerJa Prolific-icon-medium

REVIEW QUALITY: 0.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
TerJa reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

A real combination of satire, sense, rant and cant.  The section on mother is really pointless since on one can control when or where he is born.  That is the one thing you write where it is  useless to complain,

Amerika is not original or even humorous.  Further, because it is dated it detracts.  This isn’t the 60s.  Where is any proof, or even evidence that America has become the “empirical omniforce” and for that matter, what does empirical omniforce mean?

Where dies a “right to travel” come from?  It would make a nice excuse for the Mexican border problem if there really was such a right.

I did think the section on Canada was petty good, but again, there are echos of the 60s.

I’m not sure what else to say here.  You say it was written in minutes so I’ll end this review since I’ve taken over five minutes to write it.

Matthewtuckey avatar General Stranger

June 28, 2009

Matthewtuckey

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
Matthewtuckey reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I’d put a hyphen after ‘before’ and a comma after ‘wait’.

Did Franklin say something about ‘the good of the people’? Might be a gap in my general knowledge.

‘Canada is beautiful’- this sentence needs separating into two, although how you do that depends on what you are trying to say. Is Canada beautiful all year round?

dictionary.com doesn’t know ‘poucher’.

A spell check will pick up ‘complacent’ along with a few others.

Any reason for the capitalisation in Fear?

‘society, it seems.’- insert comma

‘are at least’- corrected typo.

What other religions do you read up on? I’ve never met anyone who dabbles with a few.

Weird, but likeable. could do with being a little clearer.

oknapp avatar General Stranger

June 27, 2009

oknapp Prolific-icon-medium

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
oknapp reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Is this satire? i found it more a  political commentary. You might think over your genre.

What did Franklin say, tell the reader so we can judge of they are true.

Paragraph three is just you opinion right? I would make sure the readers know this. You make large claims but show no real evidence to bakc them up.

Paragraph 3 has some rhetorical claims and is a little confusing. The pregnant walurus and the Gigilo threw me. And after the word Ex bankers and the police, i am lost. Can you take out some of the abstract here and add some concrete explanations?

“Illusions of control and delusions of mediocrity guide their simple minds to robotically instill Fear in the undereducated” This is another wide claim. Do you mean that this happens in all cases?  Don’t you think this is a little unbelievable. Can you back this up with evidence?

I love the potencey of paragraph 3. You express your feelings very well.
You have a poetic style of writing that i love. Your cue words, opression, fascist, complasient, etc catch the readers attention. I am assuming that you all spell America differently so i won’t mess with spelling. You tell the truth about Russia. I studied it and know it was belated for may years and still remains so in some instances. However, i would like you to give instances of how these policing systems install fear in the undereducated, and  show some evidence to back up other clams you have made. Nevertheless, i love your passion and found this interesting. Sandi.

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FunktasticEnabler

Age: 23
Loc: Slidell, LA
Gen: M
Last Login: July 08
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