Poetry / wave good-bye

This is so simple, yet so powerful.  It captures a moment most adults have experienced at least once (if they’re honest)—a moment that is (usually) seared on our memories.

What I really like is that the title is very ironic and yet apt: on the face of it, it implies something childlike--something an adult says to a baby who’s just starting to talk; of course, in your context, waving good-bye is an act of someone very powerless and vulnerable--just like a small child.

Have you ever written song lyrics?  As I read this, I felt as if it could be a folk song or a classical art song lyric.  With the right, haunting music, it could work wonderfully.

Fave line/image: scars of smoke

Good stuff—got more?

I loved this! It is lovely to see a poem which doesn’t over-do it in an attempt to show the extent of feeling, in this case desperation, pain and a sense of loss.

It is simple, the perfect length and says everything it needs to say. Well done

i think that this poem is powerfull to some extent. i can relate with the sentaments ut i would spice it up a bit. i would find some words that portray desperation  and need, or at least latent conflict.