Poetry / abdc (Analysis)

i met her in the alley
which was full of chaos
i was in complete disarray
and she was oblivious to all

there was fear and insecurity
and distrust all around
and i was wondering lately
am i only lost in the town?

i thought that i would escape
all this mayhem and raze
but the fate has some other plans
to teach me new steps of this dance

i was feeling lonely and down
and was looking for an escape
when then i heard her sound
like a child innocent and elated

the feeling was both old and new
like creating a sense of dejavu
wanting to wake me up from the slumber
and experience something always to remember

i had resigned myself to the fate
waiting for the next coming to my palate
everything inside me seemed to have calmed
but i ever wondered its start of a qualm

again i was puzzled like a new born child
and i was as troubled as the tide
when she came as comes the cloudburst
welling me up and i was to outburst

 

 

 


 

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lovelee1313 avatar General Stranger

October 01, 2009

lovelee1313

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Persephone avatar General Stranger

July 02, 2009

Persephone

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Persephone reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This piece is odd.  The last two lines don’t make sense to me.  Why didn’t you capitalize any of the letters?  Try to be more specific in your descriptions; instead of saying “the alley was full of chaos” describe that chaos.  Engage your reader.

knelson avatar General Stranger

July 01, 2009

knelson

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camalonious avatar General Stranger

June 30, 2009

camalonious

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FunktasticEnabler avatar General Stranger

June 29, 2009

FunktasticEnabler

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FunktasticEnabler reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

i like the chaotic imagery you used in the beginning.
You gotta respect people you meet in an ally.
“the feeling was both old and new
like creating a sense of dejavu
wanting to wake me up from the slumber
and experience something always to remember”-my favorite part because that feeling used to come over me all the time.
The name is cool too

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agrawal avatar

agrawal

Age: 27
Loc: India
Gen: M
Last Login: August 17
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