I am sorry sir, but i love the length and i don’t care if it sells. Alot of people like it that i why it is still up here. But i appreciate your comments. This poem is free from. Sandi
Poetry / Come Tour Castle Medulla Oblongata (Analysis)
Come Tour Castle Medulla oblongata
He says to her,
Step through the looking glass of my mind
Probe its nerve centers and you shall find
The enigma that is me, you seek
Is a game of hide and don’t peek
Come probe my cranial lands of seclusion
And paddle the muddy waters of my confusion
To a path where baby tree flourishes in a forest sublime
Near a castle of secrets on a steeped incline
Come walk through my neural path of self- destruction
Unfinished and under construction
But there is plenty here to view
Not every feature has gone askew
Come walk through my garden of prose
Where the seeds of cognition grow
But not every ovule doth sprout
Some are smothered by weeds of doubt
Come swim in my ocean of pain
And brave the restless currents of disdain
Many have drowned in my waters of curious tide
Never reaching the truthful sands of the other side
Then on to Castle Medulla oblongata
The dark corridor a gaping stomata
Turn to the left and you’ll find your quarters
I have given Dr. Pallium my orders
To fill your speculative prescription
Signed of course with my indecisive inscription
Notice yours is a room with a view
Decorated in roses just for you
See your portrait on oppicital chiffonier
It doesn’t favor you much at all, my dear
I fancied you more as a spirit
But your green eyes I do give some merit
For they have glimpsed underneath my darkened veil
My reflection wavers in your parietal well
But still you are lost in my tangled rhetoric
Come dear, Ill get you an anesthetic
Before we tour my inter-cranial cellar
The conditions they say are stellar
For vintage bottled resolutions
Sealed fermented conclusions
You may have a glass of wistful cider
Provided you can make it past the guarding spider
That spins her convoluted webbed synapse
Receptors of memory overload and collapse
Come tour my graveyard of memory
Many discarded relics of thought to see
Like the scattered bones of yesterdays trust
Picked clean by the buzzards of tomorrow and turned to dust
That’s your tomb over there by the babbling brook
I signed your name in the “loving memory” book
I will etch over your recollection with my amnesic pen
And erase every trail your introspective thoughts have ever been
For you are the worm in the apple of my seclusion
An unwanted reality in my optical illusion
Now off to my appointment with nurse Prozac, my carriage awaits
I mustn’t tarry with you any longer or I’ll be late
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Suzi reviewed Version 4 -
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“Step thru the looking glass of my mind.” It was intriguing and I wanted to read on to know where it was going to lead me.
Well, I followed thru and this is what I came up with:
A person who is in a confused state and in pain going thru a difficult time in life. Takes meds to figure it out, but in the end things are still the same for him just wanted to take someone else with him.
I was able to follow thru and enjoyed it very much!
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agudwun reviewed Version 3 -
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I have two general suggestions:
The poem is too long. Two pages of
discussion of love and self is a little
too much.
2. The poem is not devided into paragraphs
or stanzas. It would be easier to read
and it would help to maintain interest if
each thought was followed by two or three
spaces. Break up the page.
The spelling was excellent and the use of
the language was very descriptive.
FunktasticEnabler reviewed Version 3 -
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Love the title and im all about looking glasses. never read through the looking glass except skimming through it once in another dimention.
Brain probing-squirm!
“Come probe my cranial lands of seclusion
And paddle the muddy waters of my confusion”-Thats dirty!haha. ilove this poem
“But not every ovule doth sprout
Some are smothered by weeds of doubt” nice
“To fill your speculative prescription
Signed of course with my indecisive inscription”- i would change that second line because its really obvious. maybe conscription or superstition to rhyme with?
Oh yes the next 6 lines bring the Pain!wow im totally getting chills thru out my body reading this.
“sealed fermented conclusions”-nice.”That spins her convoluted webbed synapse
Receptors of memory overload and collapse” also great
nice poem about insanity and curing it. I love the ending -sanity.hehehehe
Thank You!
Lalifufu reviewed Version 3 -
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Good job, Sandi. This revised version is a huge improvement from the last one you posted. The concept is a lot more clear and the poem flows well. However, I feel like the rhyme is forced in parts – L2 & 3, 29 & 30 and particularly 37 & 38. It seems as though you have inserted the lines just to make it rhyme with the previous one and it doesn’t sound convincing. What about “where the conditions are stellar?” instead of “they say…” Who says? Who are these people?
Also, in L29, do you mean occipital?
Overall, I enjoyed the read. Good poem.
mymommaatelettuce reviewed Version 2 -
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Wow I love this… your imagery is dead on… the rhythm and rhyme make this a pleasure to read. I hope you publish this and keep up the wonderful work.
Trina reviewed Version 3 -
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Wow I am stunned. I don’t know what to say first. I am sure you know how wonderful this really is and I am certain I will not be the first to praise its entirety. I could waste much space here copy pasting my favorite lines (because there very countless!) but I will not do you that disservice. I will simply tell you that I am mezmerized by the prose and rhythm and in the weird hypnotic trance the subject matter places on you as you read it. It hearkens slightly to Pink Floyd lyrics and Phantom of the Opera underworld tones. So strange and unusual. It is very very good. I hope this gets published someday.
observingowl reviewed Version 3 -
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How thoughtful, or is it mindful? Either way very excellent this may well explain the very thought process of of everyone at one point in their life, falling in and out of love, coping with drugs, or just being confused by the world without love or drugs. This castle must definately be haunted, don’t give up the ghost.
DLCW reviewed Version 3 -
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This a wonderful piece with great visions I felt like I was walking through your head. That was amazing to actually connect with this poem. My favorite part was this….
Come swim in my ocean of pain
And brave the restless currents of disdain
Many have drowned in my waters of curious tide
Never reaching the truthful sands of the other side
Tech2105 reviewed Version 3 -
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Nice job on hold attention, even with an elongated metaphor you were able to keep it from getting over done. I specifically like the line “You may have a glass of wistful cider”.
venenum reviewed Version 2 -
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what a great, cerebral and dark image. Great work. I love the visuals and the rhythm.
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