Poetry / My Dubious Role as an American Slave

Why do people like babies so much? In a sense, innocence.

Why do people hate old people so much? In a sense, incontinence.

People in China respect the elderly as a well of inspiration.

People in americA abandon their loved ones in a nursing home and sell their houses.

The Constitution instructs us to revolt if abused,

It's unamerican to be support the u.s. government, to be used.

All my hopes and dreams dissipate into reality.

The abstact freedom convolutes into a rough-edged nativity scene.

Wouldn't it be easier if everyone in the whirled just threw themselves to the state's jaws in martyrdom?

The Great They: They'll kill me first if they can catch me.

My life is a counter-friction to rust the machine. No "life-sentence" in sight, no longer do I worry of this blight.

Live and let be enslaved? Moral decay.

We, the young ADHD consumers, are burdened to fight the most intense war ever: The War of Convienience. Walmart has EVERYTHING.Tear if down, it destroys competion; Wally-Whirled destroys the free market because it outsources most of what it sells.

China can buy america in 3 years. outproduce and restructure the toppling collapse of our deformed economic system.They outsourced Love last week.

The NEW Platform: Cameras on Everyone! RIghts for the ones with the reigns!(not you.) Fiat Economy! Mass Debt for ALL! Slavery! Waste! Corruption! Absolute Power For The State! (anyone looking to rent a concentration camp?Femas got 'em cheap) Liberty!-and the crowd erupts into an orgiastic pendulum.

apples are illegal. i throw myself off a bridge so as to not help the impregnable, vast, patriotic, ever-growing and destabilizing They.

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

June 29, 2009

Deadsage

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
593	91.9% (308 votes)	35.5%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
28	M	Springfield, MO	November 21

Deadsage reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Not pointing out spelling/grammar/syntax errors is harder for me than you will ever know. But I will honor your wishes and not point out your “intentional” mistakes… however as it’s written sloppiness make it easier to dismiss your views.

This feels young and angry, like a good punk rock song. I like that. I want to get behind that, but to see things differently I need a more coherant vision.

It has the same flaws as a punk rock song: it doesn’t suggest any kind of solution, or even clearly define the problems it is railing against.

Are you railing against FEMA or the Free Market? I don’t see how you can hate both, if you do tell me why. Do you purpose we strike down convenience and support inconvenience? That doesn’t seem practical, show me why it is.

One Suggestion which isn’t a syntax/spelling error:

“In a sense, because they crapped their pants” -why not “in a sense, incontinence.” ?

add/view comments (4)

June 29, 2009

by FunktasticEnabler

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
11	100.0% (3 votes)	28.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
23	M	Slidell, LA	July 08

personal info reviewer stats

Oh thanks for the suggestion.
Look up REX-84 in google and you’ll see why i am opposedto FEMA. i love old school punk:pure raw expression. And the whole convienience thing suggests that we need to give up some of these “benefits” of outsourcing. i would rather pay more for products than support slave labor in china. i would readily give up some of ourcheap luxuries in order to have a few more factories in america. Factories made us strong in ww2 then corporations got the upperhand and started guiding US policy. Bythe people for the corporations? Kinda sickens me.
Any way thanks for the review im going to check out some of ur stuff shortly

June 29, 2009

by FunktasticEnabler

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
11	100.0% (3 votes)	28.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
23	M	Slidell, LA	July 08

personal info reviewer stats

oh and ur right i did misspell a few words

June 30, 2009

by Deadsage

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
593	91.9% (308 votes)	35.5%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
28	M	Springfield, MO	November 21

personal info reviewer stats

I agree with many of your points, but I don’t think you’ve expressed them as coherently as you could. Remember that with Punk you have the music and the noise to express anger and outrage without words. In poetry, it’s just words.

The title describes you as the “American Slave” I’m assuming that’s aimed at your anti-establishment views, however you are also the master to China’s slave labor which brings you cheap goods. If China “bought” America, what currency would support theirs and what would become of the investments they sink every year into our treasury? Further, who would buy their cheap goods? Economic issues are never as simple as it seems.

I won’t bore you with my political/economic opinions, but I feel that in order to share your sickness, anger, aggression, hatred, etc. I require more than a 25 year old government strategy to contain an American Uprising.

July 01, 2009

by FunktasticEnabler

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
11	100.0% (3 votes)	28.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
23	M	Slidell, LA	July 08

personal info reviewer stats

Bringing the Pain sir. oh yes and you are correct about China buying America, theres only so much money to go around in the world and it always swings back and forth. But we all must remember that the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. Some people are all about facts and statistics. 85% of statistics are made up.
Thanks for the review i hope to communicate with you more in the future.

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

Showing 1 - 1 of 1